Getting Closer...

Seven days to go and it's our Grandpa's would-have-been-81st-birthday. It's going to be his second birthday not being with us anymore. I don't know, but every time I think about him, every time I look at his photos, I still make myself believe he's still alive, he's still with us - that he never really left. Maybe that's why I haven't moved on, yet and knowing the truth that no matter what, I won't get to see him ever again in this lifetime, just makes the matter worse.

I guess nobody has ever moved on in the family. When I talk to my cousin back home, she still ends up crying every time we bring him up. We both would sit there and cry. I have tried many times to not let the tears fall, but I have lost every single time that I did. I don't want to let go! I cannot let go! But I need to...So sad, but true!! In due time, I probably will. But right now, I will just let everything be as it is. I don't need to rush. The wound will heal in its own good time.

It's a sad truth. I don't even remember the last time I was with him during his birthday and it breaks my heart into pieces every time this sad thought crosses my mind. I was always away from home on his birthdays since I went to college. I was attending summer class and at the time, I had no choice. Now, here comes the "if only"... But, I'll say it anyway.. If only I had the choice and all the chances to go home, I would have been there -- would have never missed any of his birthdays -- in a heartbeat!!

Grandpa, I know you know what's in my heart at this very moment. And I know you feel how much we miss you. I hope this somehow lets you know that you are never forgotten - and you never will be. I love you forever and I miss you so much -- all the time!!