What Do You Have? Use It!

Today at church, right after I've been handed out a copy of the order of worship, I was taken aback when I read what was on the cover; TODAY'S THEME: "What Do You Have? Use It!"

It didn't take me that long to realize what I've been missing the whole time. I couldn't help but ask myself, what have I done to my faith, my commitment to Him? How could I let it happen? Where is that KC in me who used to be so active when it comes to church activities? What happened to her?

When we finally got to our seats, I just stared at the altar. Tears started to well-up but I was so determined not to let them fall as I don't want anybody seeing me crying. I have no prepared answers just in case they'd barge in and ask me what's wrong. For a moment, I was just sitting there quietly. I really couldn't take in that I wasted too many times and I've grown a distance between us. It may be too hard to admit this to myself, but I know deep in my heart, I have kind of forgotten about Him in the sense that whether I go to church or not, was fine with me as long as I keep praying and never lose that faith I have in Him. Too little did I know, it was wrong; I was very wrong! Or, I knew but I just didn't care.

I'm trying not to sound as if I'm bragging about myself, but this is something that I would like to share. When I read what the theme says, I knew right then and there that it was meant for me (and to all who had felt the same way I did at that particular moment). I knew it was referring to the talents, abilities, and gifts that God has bestowed upon each of us.

I am not a very good singer, but I am proud of what God has given me with - a nice voice. I have been in the choir since the age of 6. It was in the ministry of music where I found myself most useful and needed. It was where I belong! Singing is my passion and doing it for God was something I loved the most. I used to gave special offertory song and I have done countless solo performances since I was a kid. It was through singing that I was giving Him back what He has blessed me with. They would often tell me, I shine the most when I sing.

When I went off to college, I had to move to the city and leave everything I love behind; my family and friends, my hometown, and most of all, my mother church. Attending a new church didn't seem like a problem, though at the same time, I had the feeling that I will be missing a big, big part of me - singing with the choir. I wanted so much to join them in the choir, but I was too shy. I could tell from each of them that they know each and everyone so well, except me, so I never once dared to even think of seeing myself with them, much more, singing with them. One thing though was that, my cousin was then a member of that choir. She would ask me to join them, but because of me being diffident, I always ended up refusing her plea only to have myself eaten up by jealousy every time I would see them up there in front of the altar, singing so beautifully. I never not wanted to be one of them, so one day, I made up my decision and I joined the choir. At first I was so nervous. Singing with them was like singing with the divas. They have beautiful voices that when they sing, it's like hearing angels' voices. I didn't feel like I belong. But because I wanted to serve God, I managed to fit in. I did my best to sing my heart out every time we sang songs of hymns. I was happy. It was what I wanted to do. I was called to do so.

But then, school started to make me busy with stuff and attending choir practice seemed to diminish from the limelight of my priorities. That's when I started building a distance between my faith and my personal life. I lost focus on the talent He gave me and what I should be doing with it. Attending church became lesser and lesser and there were even times I would miss it for a whole month. Not only did I stop using His gift for His service, I stopped believing in it. I'd still pray, but I know there was always something missing. My personal relationship with God has been overpowered by my worldly precedence. It took me some time to realize I was going the wrong way. God still has remained faithful, forgiving, and ever-loving, for in spite of all my shortcomings, He made a way for me to turn around and come home to Him.

I am now slowly but surely building back up the faith that I once left to stumble and fall. I woke up to the truth that, if God sees in you that you're not using the gifts, talents, or abilities He gave you in giving glory to His Name, He will take them back. He owns it and He has all the rights to get it from you anytime, anywhere.

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His Name. -Hebrews 13:15 KJV-

I love and I cherish what He has given me. I know it's still not too late for me to start all over again and I am more determined now than ever to make up with all those times I have wasted. Here soon, I will find myself back in the place where I truly belong. The very place where I once felt most useful and needed - in the ministry of music. This is what I have. And I am going to use it!