Saturday Thoughts

For this whole weekend, my husband will be in a camp somewhere up north California. It's part of their training for their upcoming deployment. I'm kind of worried about him because he still isn't feeling completely fine. But he had to go. I just pray that he will be all right the whole time he is there.

I still am a bit unhappy about this upcoming deployment. But we both know that things happen for a reason. We both had prayed to God about this - if whether he'll be deployed or not - that whatever His plans are, so let them be. We know they're sent for our own good. And now, we're starting to see the bright side of this. And this reason, somehow is what makes this whole thing a little lighter to bear for me now. We know now why God let this happen - for our future :)

Though I know this one is yet another obstacle that we both must trounce, we know everything will work out fine. There's a lot of things we need to really start working on now - a lot of them we need to accomplish. I made it through my first deployment and that was a tough one. So, who said I can't make it through this time?! ;)

I Need More Sleep!!

I'm just going to post a short one right now. I am hoping this will help me fall asleep. I need it so badly right now. Last night has been a disaster for me!!

I made sure I'd be in bed before 23:00 which I was able to. But I never expected it would take me until 3 AM to really finally go to sleep :( I've been turning in bed from side to side, probably like every second. I couldn't sleep no matter what I did. I think I've tried every position I could possibly think of just to make myself comfortable, but nothing worked. At around 1 AM, when I finally realized it was impossible for me to fall asleep, I decided to get up and talk to my husband. I messaged him on yahoo and we talked for almost an hour. He was on training that time so his replies were a bit late, but that didn't bother me at all. I was so up and about and feeling queasy at the same time. Something was keeping me up and my breathing pattern wasn't normal. I told my husband all about it. His words gave me comfort though he's away and that was all I needed :)

Anyway, I just hope it won't happen to me again tonight. Though I was able to sleep this afternoon, I still feel so drained and I need more sleep. All I can say is, I don't want to go through the same thing I went through last night!! Period.

To my husband and me, GET WELL SOON!! -- Both of us -- Seriously!! [hehehe]

Oddly Sick: This is So Unlikely Me!!

Really, right now I can't tell what's keeping me sick - much more, what's making me sick!! All I know is, I haven't been feeling well in the past couple of days - headache and dizziness most of the time. There were even times I hated doing something - anything. All I wanted to do was sleep as if I've never gotten sleep enough for years. This feeling is really strange. I know when I normally am sick; I know the cause and how to treat it, and it usually doesn't last longer than 2 days. But this time, I totally am clueless!! One more thing, I can't figure out what's making me tired most of the time. I've lost interest in a lot of things - reading first and foremost - which is you know, one of my favorite pastime. I feel lazy taking shower [but of course, I still am in the state of being conducive to my own health]. It's just that, I don't like the feel of water on me. Seriously, it's as if I suddenly became hydrophobic. Though it doesn't occur all the time, I still find it weird. So unlikely me!!

There are some I can no longer describe. They're making me feel uneasy and I don't like any of them - none at all!!

This morning, I woke up shivering. My temperature went up to 101.66 degree Fahrenheit. I was nauseated and my head really hurt. It even took me a bit longer to reply my husband's messages on yahoo because I couldn't get up. Good thing he ended up calling me or else I couldn't have told him the reason.

By the way, both of us are sick right now. [hehehe] But this time, he started it!! [hahaha] It's something we find funny when one of us gets sick and after a few days [if not at the same time], the other one gets sick, too. That shows how we're so connected to each other. We just oh so love sharing everything!! [winks*] Well, I guess he's feeling a little better now since he went out with his best buddies, and I'm glad that he is feeling a lot better now than how he was yesterday. He sounded so sick on the phone and it broke my heart knowing I couldn't be there to take care of him no matter how bad I wanted to. I hate it when he gets sick and I can't be there for him to personally look after him. One of those things I don't like about us being away from each other.

Anyway, if you ask me, I don't know what I'm going to do today - right now. Of course, I'd love to attend church but if I'm feeling as sick as I am now, I'd better stay here at home and get more rest.

Well, you might be wondering why I can still manage to sit in front of my computer and type all this after all that I've said about my condition, but really I'm just forcing myself to at least get to do something. My brain needs to function once in a while. I bought a new novel, but I haven't even reached page 3 yet. It's just there sitting on top of my bed. I couldn't stay longer than 30 minutes watching TV. And my only therapy for all of these is, sleeping. So, I'd rather do something now than go back to bed and sleep the whole time and wake up feeling like I've missed half of my day's moments. Honestly, if I just let my brain decide, I don't want to sleep anymore. But once my body started aching for it, I am left with no other choice but to give in to it or else I'd feel crap the whole time I keep myself up. No joke, even now, my eyes are starting to sag.

Yikes, this is really something!! Well, I guess I need to go now. Like what I said, I'd feel even worse if I force myself to stay up. Maybe a nap will do :)

I'm Still...

Not through editing my blog!! waaah.. What time is it now?! I should be in bed, but I won't do that until I finished doing what I've started..But really, my eyes are tired now and so is my whole body..sigh*

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

Please excuse my blog for being messy right now. I'm currently working on its layout. I finally found the colors I want, so I'm changing it again. hehehe I'll be done here in a few ;)

Weekend Photos: Back to November 2007

These are some of our first pictures together...

The first one's the very first photo of us actually together - in person :) This was taken in my room on the same day he got here for the first time from the States [November 9, 2007]. Every time we look at this photo, we just smile :) It has a lot of memories stored in it - a lot :) It was on that same day he said to me, "Welcome to womanhood!" [winks*]

The second one was taken inside Snow World at Star City on November 12 of the same year. Still, it holds memories of us. It always reminds me that it was the first time after a very, very long time, my husband rode on a roller coaster -- again!! I was able to convince him to..Yipee!! ;)

They were just ordinary times that we were able to turn into a great and happy moments with each other :)

Feeling A Lot Better Now!!

I must say, I feel way better now than how I've been feeling like yesterday and the other day. I felt like crap - I couldn't stay longer in front of the computer; I wasn't able to read. That kind of made me feel thwarted because I just bought this new novel that I think I'd enjoy reading, but because I got ill, until now I haven't even taken it out of the plastic bag. Can you believe that?! [hahaha..]

Anyways, my day went well so far. Well, except for a little confirmation I got from my husband that has gotten me weighed down. I still think about it but I have said enough regarding on how it made me feel. I don't want to lose sanity into it completely!! [hahaha]

I had a great time with the kids today, too. Good thing that my sister had something to take care of, so she went out. She left in the morning and didn't come home until late this afternoon. I was able to spend enough time with Baba and Poopette without having to "mind her" all the time. Haay, it's such a long, long story and is just getting longer -- and worse. I just decided to say as less as I could about it now. It's not helping and isn't going to do me any good. I'm just happy I at least got everything out of my chest during those times I needed to. I just don't want the situation to keep me feeling miserable most of the time - not anymore!! I had let it get into me enough and I know it's about time for me to let things go and let God handle the things that are beyond my control now between me and her. It still saddens me. She's my only sister. But I feel completely helpless now. I think I have to rely on time now to help us both heal, forgive, forget, and just move on with our lives. I will always miss and love her, though. No matter what, she'll always be my sister!!

Oh, I still haven't replied my [mom-in-law] Jerry's e-mail. My bad!! I actually have written a draft already. But since my eyes started hurting, I wasn't able to finish it. I will do my best to be able to send mom the e-mail tonight or tomorrow. I can't wait to tell her things :) She's such a great Mother and I can't thank God enough for having a mother-in-law as wonderful and as loving as she is. I love you, Mom!!

My cousin, by the way, asked me if I want to go out tomorrow after church. She wants to hang out - probably go to the mall, check out some movies, and eat. I said 'yes' definitely and I can't wait actually!! Since I got back from Samar, I've only been out once and that was Monday. I just went to the grocery store to buy some things. I left some of my stuff at home in Samar so I needed replacements ;) I was only out for 2 hours. I even wasn't able to stop by at Jollibee or McDonald's to eat. After grabbing a novel, I immediately went to buy grocery stuff and then I headed home. I still enjoyed it somehow. I've been away for quite a long time and I must admit, I kind of missed life in the city.

I'm looking forward to hanging out with my cousins and friends tomorrow!! [weeh!! ;)]

Before I end this, I just want to say thanks to those who never get tired visiting our blog. Thank you for your heartwarming comments and messages. I just want you to know that I appreciate them all a lot. Thank you, thank you!!

Another Deployment!!

When my husband first told me over the phone that there's a possibility that he might get deployed again this coming March, for I don't know how long, my heart stopped beating. I went completely silent then burst out crying. I was in Samar at the time. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was like, he just got back and they're sending him away again? I thought it just wasn't fair. I felt so devastated and that all our plans would end up crashing on me any moment. We already made plans for this year and we both are so looking forward to making each of them happen. But with this impending deployment news, I admit, I almost gave it all up. I was worried I might not get through this one since I'd just gone through our first deployment and it wasn't easy. Although he didn't confirm yet if he'll be sent or not, another deployment?! -- I don't think so.

That was my first reaction and how I handled the situation. I know I was totally wrong. I think nobody would have expected me to react the other way around.

That night before I went to bed, I sat and prayed to God. I asked for guidance and help to get us through this, especially my husband. That if this is His will, let it be done. We both know God won't allow something to happen if it isn't for our own good. If they ever send him to go on deployment, I prayed that God would sustain me more strength, not just for myself alone but for the both of us. This will be tough once again, but after I prayed, I felt a different kind of comfort engulfing me. I knew then that it was Him letting me know that He's got everything taken care of and that I don't have anything to worry about.

Today, my husband confirmed that it's definitely a "go". In March, he'll be deploying again - for the second time within a year. I can't be specific as to where he'll be stationed at, but he assured me that this deployment isn't going to be like the first one; that he'll be doing a completely different kind of job this time. I didn't say much. I just said OK. But deep inside me, I was praying that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't just say what he did just so I won't have to get too worried about him while he is out there. I was half crossing my fingers that moment he was talking on the phone about this matter. I could only hope and pray. The past deployment hasn't been easy for the both of us, especially for me because it was my very first one. I know I should be a lot stronger now because somehow I already have an experience as how to handle or survive a deployment. But it didn't work that way for me - at least not right away. I just couldn't take in that my husband would be leaving again when he just barely got back. I can only imagine the hassles he's about to deal with again making sure everything is taken care of - from his dogs down to all the things he just started getting out of the storage. Good thing somehow is that he's staying right now at his friend's house. He doesn't have a lot of things to pack compared to last year. He had to move all his things out of his apartment to the storage basically doing almost all the work by himself. I feel sad that I am not there to help him in times like this :( I know how much he needs me. If only I am with him...

To be honest with you, I did cry today when I found out he really is going. A lot of emotions ensnared me. But the one that really made me cry a lot was the possibility that we might not be able to see each other before he leaves!! I don't think I'll ever take that. I mean, we hardly are together. All I want is to even spend a couple of days with my husband before he gets deployed. I don't think that's too much to ask and hope for. But I know things in the military don't always work that way. That's one bitter truth I have to start accepting now. It's too hard to tell you in all honesty!! But because I love my husband and what he does, I am willing to endure everything for him. I am just here for him no matter what. No matter how hard things turn out to be, I always want him to know that he's got a wife here who will always back him up and will always love him no less than how much I do now. I don't think I ever need to make promises to my husband when it comes to life in the military. For me, doing things for him especially when it comes to his job is more of a commitment I willingly and lovingly put myself into when I decided to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. It's such an honor to be a military wife! This is a tough, tough job. But to even think that I'd trade this for something else in this world - that is the very last thing I would do!!

Mahal, I know it disheartened you when I cried on the phone today. But still I want to thank you for giving me that time to let out my emotions. For understanding how I felt. You know I will always support you no matter what. I just felt sad that you have to leave again and even if we're not really together right now, every time I know you have to go, I always feel like you're getting farther away from me. I know you have to do this. Orders are orders. And you have my full support and all my love. I know everything will be fine :) I will do my best to stay strong for us. I am so proud of you, my sweet husband and I always will be!! I love you much more than I can even begin to tell you. You are my life, my world, my everything!! We're going to get through this :) God is always with us...

This will be hard, guaranteed. No deployment is ever easy, I guess. I think I will always dread times like this for as long as we are in the military. But I know, with my husband and God with us, I will get through this one just as I did with the first deployment. I will just keep myself busy around here. There are things for me to do ;)

We may have made plans for ourselves for this year, but God's plans are always way better. We may not understand fully everything at first or all throughout the way, but in the end, He'll let us see how things worked out for our own good - the reasons He let those things happen instead of the plans we had set for ourselves. Like what the quote that mom sent me says, "God's grace won't put you where His love won't support you", I know and believe that things will work out perfectly fine.

I Feel A Little Unwell

As much as I want to stay in front of the computer right now, I just can't :( For some reason, I just started feeling nauseated. I can't even look at the screen for a long time without it making me feel dizzy. I guess it's my eye problem again. [sigh*] It can be hard sometimes especially when I want to do more writing or simply sit and read. I think I need to get some rest - as in rest!! Perhaps I'd do something that would make me fall asleep easily without having to strain my eyes too much. It's getting worse every minute!!

I just want to wish my husband well on his exams today. He kept saying last night that he might not make it, but I know he is going to - like always, like the previous exams he took before - I'm sure of that ;) and I know God will be there to guide him and sustain him knowledge that he needs. I already prayed and will keep on praying that he'll make it :)

I should get going now. I can hardly see what I'm typing. Good night!! :)

Mrs. KC says...

Hello!! How are you all?

By our God's grace, I'm doing fine. Things are great so far. I feel happy and sad at the same time to be back here in Manila. I feel happy because I get to talk to my husband more now than when I was in our province. We don't have internet close to where I live. The closest internet shop we have there is 24 km away from my town. So, you just can't imagine how hard it was sometimes for us to communicate with each other on a daily basis. Phone card is expensive. Not to mention that we can lose signal if we don't have electric power. At least now, we can just both hop online and talk for as long as we both could last.

I'm happy, too that I am with the kids again. I missed my Baba and Poopette too much and I know they missed me as well just as much. I can't believe they've grown that fast. Looking at them sometimes makes me feel I've been away for longer than a month. They both have grown taller and the Little Lady can now say more words. It's so cute hearing Poopette calling Haniel, "Kuway" for "Kuya" [older brother] and Haniel always telling me to call him "Bumble Bee" [Transformers] now instead of Baba. And can you believe that he is calling me "Police Car" now from the movie Transformers still?! hahaha...They really surprised me with so many new things. I just love these kids to death and I love every moment I spend with them. Being an Aunt to them, it's such a feeling that's so beyond compare!!

On the other hand, I feel sad that I had to leave Samar. I already got used to the life I once had before I started living in the city. Since I left Samar for college, this vacation has been the longest one I ever took. Before, the longest period of time of my stay there would only last for 2 weeks. This vacation, I got to stay for more than a month!! I hate having to leave my grandparents, family, and friends once again. I miss the rainy days and nights, though because of that I couldn't leave the house. I won't ever take any day back that I'd just been trapped at home because of heavy rain. Because of that, I got to spend more time with grandpa and grandma. I didn't mind at all if I got bored sometimes because other than reading, listening music, and watching TV, there was nothing else really for me to do. Still, I loved my whole stay there and if God will let me go back, I will in a heartbeat!! I already mentioned about me going back there and staying for another month but it will all depend now on what God has already planned for us. My husband said I can go back if I want to. Well, we're praying for that.

By the way...

My oh my, I've only been here for 3 days but it already feels like eternity!! And Manila is so cold, I can barely last a day without wearing sweater and a pair of socks!! I thought that when it comes to temperature, there would be no difference at all since it was always raining in Samar and cold, too. But I was wrong -- very wrong!! Manila right now feels like Baguio in summer. Even the water is cold. Sometimes I'd joke that there's no need for us to put water inside the fridge to cool them because it won't warm up even if left unrefrigerated. And who would need a cold water in times like this, anyway? Just crazy!! hehehe...

Well, I guess this is all for now. I'm already feeling tired and sleepy and the cool breeze outside is telling me that I need now to get under the covers and warm myself up. So, goodnight everyone and good morning to the ones from the other side of the world ;) I'll write more next time...

Happy Birthday to The World's Greatest Mother-in-Law!!

It is such a great blessing to every wife to have a wonderful and loving mother-in-law. Not everybody is blessed with one, so those who are, for sure feel as grateful as I do for being blessed with a second mother who treats and loves me no less than my own mother does. I can't come close to even say how blessed I really feel and how thankful I am to God for giving me such a wonderful mother-in-law, my mom Jerry.

Today is her birthday, so I want to take this chance to give her my greetings with so much love...

"Happy, happy Birthday, Mom!! Thank you for always being there for us, for your love, for being such a great Mother. We will always be here for you and we love you with all of our hearts."

Yours,
John and Kirsti

I'm Going Back...

I feel a little bit sad right now that my vacation here in Samar is almost over. Tomorrow, I will fly back to Manila leaving "my happiness" behind me. Honestly, there's only one thing that I'm looking forward to going back there, the kids. Nothing else! I feel sad that I have to go back again. This is always my most avoided part of going on a vacation - going back away from home!

My husband told me that he'd still back me up if I decided to stay here longer. I planned to. But since I already bought a round trip ticket, I felt I'd be wasting money if I didn't go. My husband knew I'd be coming home to a miserable home that's why he's a bit worried about me. Though I assured him I'll be all right, deep inside me, I'm doubting myself a bit if I really could handle things the way I've been telling everyone I can. Because of this uncertainty, John told me that if I want to come back here, he'd be more glad to send me back and there's nothing I need to worry about. He knows how much I feel so happy when I am home. So, if God willing, my plan is, I'll leave tomorrow, stay in Manila to take care of some things and then I'll fly back here. But my husband made sure I'd be back to Manila before March and I said yes. I couldn't thank him enough for doing this for me. It means a lot and though we're far from each other, he never fails to do things to make sure I am well taken care of and he always thinks first about my happiness. Thank you, Mahal from the bottom of my heart!! I love you much more than I can ever begin to tell!

There's so much I want to write about my whole vacation and a lot more, but I need to get going now. I still haven't packed my suitcase. Tomorrow, Inshallah, I'll be in Manila so I can write more without having to worry about the rental fee. Hehehe ;)

So, see you when I get back. And to my ever loving husband, thank you, baby for what you did to the plurk!! Mwaah it looks so beautiful and I do love the design and everything. I love you!! I love you!! I love you forever!!