Showing posts with label About the Past. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About the Past. Show all posts

I was once a call center agent...

2 Sweet Notes

Seven months ago, I was one of the countless call center agents who, hoped to earn money to help with the finances. Although my job was not to sell products over the phone, but I'd say, it probably was as hard as having to make a lot of sales in order to meet the daily quota. I was chosen out of 42 trainees from our batch - together with my other two good friends I met while doing the training - to be assigned on the inbound calls or costumer service. Meaning, we were the ones receiving calls from clients with problems regarding their creditors, credit score, debt management, and everything that concerns money and credit card bills. They're the clients who enrolled in that debt management program and they pay their creditors through us. As part of the job, we basically were the ones who automatically deduct a certain amount of money from their bank accounts and pay their debts directly to their creditors on the scheduled payment dates. Clients call us for updates, concerns, inquiries, rescheduling of their payments, and merely just checking on stuff such as; clients would ask if the payment had been sent off or they'll inform us ahead of time that their next payment would be insufficient short of amount due to some unavoidable circumstances, to name a few.

At first, I was reluctant to do the job because I, being in the medical field, have no idea about anything that has to do with money. We had to do accounting and not just that, we also had to be extra careful with handling money matters as a single mistake could trigger to a lot more complicated situations and we don't want that to ever happen. We have to avoid any delay with the transactions of clients' payments because they will be in trouble if their payments don't meet the deadline and reach their creditors' hands on time. It can affect their credit score and it is not a good thing for them. I don't know that much on how it really affects them, but we were told to impede that from happening. Not only that, I also had to prepare myself on how to properly deal with the clients, especially on how to address their concerns the right way. In all my life, I haven't talked to foreigners that much, except for family members abroad who speak English and of course, my husband. I don't know them so I could think of nothing on how I'd be able to treat them aside from the fact that they are our clients. I've learned that it's also a nice way if you will step a little bit out of the agent-client boundary and actually talk to them and treat them as "acquaintances", not just mere clients. It somehow helps build rapport between you and them and it lessens stress and tension especially on your end. All those stuff, we needed to learn and grasp in a short two-week training period!!

I worked at the company which originally is based in Florida, U.S.A. for three months (January to March, 2008). I had to file for resignation on the third month because my husband was coming here for a three-week vacation at the time. Since I was only a new-hired employee, I wasn't entitled yet to any leave of absence and I could never put my husband as my second priority, especially that he was leaving for deployment and we seldom spend time together. Three weeks would be too much and they didn't allow me to file for LOA (Leave of Absence), so I had no choice. I didn't want to work at night, leave my husband alone and then come home in the morning, dead tired. I'd rather not have him come over here if that would have been the case, and I will never do such thing.

During my three-month stay there, I must say, I learned a lot of things that I forever will be grateful for. I learned, above all, how to deal decently with different people of different characteristics and races. Some were friendly, some were all right, and some weren't nice at all. I had been cussed at, been called an idiot, among others. I must admit that one time - it was my very first time to receive a call like that - I burst into tears when a client from Miller, Nebraska said profane words and cussed at me. He was the very first one to get to do that to me - he simply was so mean. The fact that I couldn't defend myself at the time, was the one that actually made me cry. I got so upset. I was told later after the incident that if we get callers like that old man from NE, we have the right to inform them that we'll end the call if they won't refrain from using profane words. From that time on, I had always been prepared just in case I encounter a caller like that again. I learned how to deal with situations like that where you have no other choice but to pretend you don't hear anything. You can't complain. That's part of the job - such a sad truth and bitter part of it. My co-agents at the time told me that their experiences with "mean" clients were even worse than the ones I encountered. That gave me comfort, all right. But the impact of his hurtful words lingered long enough for me to not forget everything I know about that caller from Nebraska. Up to now, I still know what his full name is.

Life on the call floor can be fun, too. In fact, I had more fun moments than the bad nights. Everybody knows everybody. Everyone was kind and helpful to us, the newbies. They imparted their knowledge to us and made sure we were good to go before they had us do the actual taking of calls. I met really nice people and made friends with them. I miss them actually and how I wish I'd see them again one day. I miss my batch mates during our training; AJ, Yek, Jen, Ate Aya, Ate Apol, Jeoff, Ate Bibing, Sari, and a lot more but I already forgot their names. And of course, I miss the people on the 6th floor - where I used to work. Our TL, Miss Jem, who was very kind, nice, approachable, and very helpful. My co-inbound agents; daddy Dong, Ate Fe, RM, and the rest of the PFF team. I miss spending break times with them. The 1:30 to 2:00 AM meals, the 4:00 - 4:15 AM coffee break or however you want to spend it with. The talks and laughs as we lined up along the porch just outside of the building's cafeteria while waiting for our time to be on the floor, a quick walk around Eastwood and a lot more of beautiful memories I can only recall so much.

I feel sad that my time working with them needed to be cut short, but it was worth it. I had enough memories of them to last me for years and everything I've learned will be of great help for me in the future. At least now, I have ideas about financial matters - creditors, credit scores, and how things actually are processed and how they work when you are in a debt management program.

Lastly, I just want to say a few words to the clients out there. If you don't like call center agents calling you, bugging you to buy products from them, refuse them nicely or at least show them a little respect. It won't hurt you if you do so. Who wants to be ill-treated and cussed at when all you're doing is just to earn a living? Nobody, right? No one, especially those who are working hard, deserves a treatment like that. We are all the same. They do that for a living and I'm sure we all know how hard it is to earn money nowadays. I know for the fact that some CC agents can be quite annoying, too especially when you're busy and you suddenly receive a call from one of them and they don't leave you alone till they get what they want and some can be too persistent to the point that they're already taking much out of your time. But, may you not forget that at the other end of the line is a human being who, like you has feelings, too. If can't like them, at least respect them.

Remembering Ramadan (Eid Mubarak!!)

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Few years ago, I remember spending Ramadan with my good friends from Saudia, Talal and his two older brothers, Bader and Bander who, are married to Filipino women (Ate Rosel and Ate Evelyn), and their cousin, Samer. There were nights I was invited to come over to their place and together, we had iftur (supper or evening meal to break the daily fast during Ramadan).

It is known that during the Islamic month of Ramadan, participating Muslims do not eat or drink anything from dawn to sunset. To them, fasting is meant to teach a person patience, sacrifice, and humility. It is also during this time that they fast for the sake of God and they offer prayer more than usual. They ask for forgiveness for their past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from every day evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds.

Today, they celebrated Eid el-Fitr or the Festival of Breaking the Fast. And along with it, my Ramadan memories came flashing back before my eyes.

It's not easy to fast. It really takes patience to be able to last a whole day with no food and water. You have to learn how to sacrifice your needs like eating or drinking whenever you feel like doing so because it's not allowed. It sure did teach me those valuable lessons that I should say, had stayed with me up to these days. Not only that, I already experienced myself how it is like to feel really hungry and not be able to eat anything to even lessen it. I learned how to think of others. I feel sad for those who only get to eat once a day, especially those who, sometimes go on for days without eating anything. Now, if I have something extra, it goes to those who need it more than I do.

While I was fasting, I avoided places where I can smell nice food and see people eating. My friends in school would always tease me when they're eating something in front of me because they knew I wouldn't ask them to give me some. Believe me, it was never easy to resist but I was able to do so. Whenever I started feeling hungry or thirsty, I always wanted to just sleep and wake up when it's already time for iftur. But most of the time, I was wide awake so I had no choice but to endure hunger and thirst at the same time! I just let myself think that right after maghrib, I can eat as much as I want to until suhoor before the fajr. I remember sitting with my Saudi friends in circle during every meal, with one big plate in the middle (biryani rice and the meat all in one) and just using our right hands while eating. It's a tradition that Saudi people practice. After every meal, we would sit and have tea while chitchatting or simply watching TV. Dessert always followed after that :) I don't know how's that, but we preferred eating dessert after drinkig tea. Then, if we still had enough time, we would go out for a walk and if ever ended up feeling hungry, hot and spicy chicken shawarma was always there to quiet our noisy tummies. Hehehe [Oh, that just made me start missing my favorite Arabic food ;( ]

There's no doubt I will observe Ramadan again :) I just had to stop this year because I have lost so much weight and I need to gain some of it back. Once I'm fit enough, I'll definitely fast again - maybe next Ramadan :) Inshallah!!

Today, Talal and I greeted each other Happy Eid through SMS. He even sent me pictures of his two younger sisters, Asraa, 6 and Gaya, 2 - both in Saudia right now. Talal is living in Dagupan and since he left Manila in 2006 to study there, we haven't met till now. I miss that "gentle giant" (I call him by that name sometimes because he's so tall) and how I want to see him again. I miss the happy moments we all shared together, our crazy talks, singing Arabic songs together, problem-sharing, and I miss Kuya Bader's jokes. They're the nicest Arab people I know and I'm glad we became friends and are still friends up to now. My husband and I were supposed to meet Talal in Baguio when we went there in May, but at the last minute, the plan changed because one of Talal's friends asked him to go with him to Ilocos at the time. I'm convincing him to come here to Manila, but he always gives me the same answer - he hates Manila because of too much pollution and noise. Well, I still am not giving up the chance of seeing him one of these days.

I also greeted my other good friend, Ameer who, told me in his text message that he never really felt it was Eid today. I somehow understood how he must have been feeling. He's away from his family and though he has his older brother here and a niece, still he said he didn't enjoy celebrating Eid all by himself. Well, I hope Ahmed or Wissam will do something to make him smile as he said he's going to spend time with them tomorrow. [hehehe] He deserves a break.

Almost Totally-Forgotten Blog

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I have almost totally forgotten that I had a blog on Friendster. I created that blog in 2005 and the last entry I wrote was on the 25th of July 2007. I only remembered I have one when I saw my friendster page on my cousin's profile. I noticed that they changed the layout and background, too. It looks so much better now than before. I haven't logged on to my account for almost 3 weeks now so I don't know a lot of the new changes on Friendster's blog.

Anyway, I tried to read all the 59 entries I posted on there since 2005. Some of them are lyrics of my favorite songs, articles I found on the net, and some others that I copied and pasted just to share. Here's one entry that I would like to share. I wrote and posted this on April 20, 2007. It's not much but I hope you'd read it. I wrote it during those times I wasn't sure if whether I'll risk and fight for my feelings or just let it go and lose without fighting. It was then that I realized what God has brought right in front of me, but I was too blinded by the fear of getting hurt, that's why I almost failed to see and notice it.

When I read what I wrote once again, I thought of what I could have possibly lost if I didn't follow what my heart was telling me at the time. I was so determined to give up thinking it was the best way to protect myself from getting hurt in the future. At the time, too my past was still affrighting me that's why I couldn't trust my own feelings just yet. It took me time to finally gave in and said "God has brought us together because He knew we're perfect for each other. I know He wouldn't have brought this man into my life if only he'll cause me pain. Everything is in Your hands now, Lord."

Here's what I wrote:

I Don't Understand
April 20th, 2007

Why is it so hard to understand the most easiest thing I can ever imagine? I thought it would be just fine to let something so precious slip off your hands thinking it would be for the best. I thought it would be so easy to move on even if you know the truth that you’re leaving the biggest part of you behind. Pretending is never really an option or an excuse for anything you just want to forget the easiest way you can ever think of, nor will it be a good reason to escape something you’d rather be facing.

I say what I only think would not hurt someone. But the truth is, it’s hurting them even more. I only say what I want others to know, not what I really want them to find out. I tend to keep the words to myself rather than saying them out to the person who deserves to know them. It has been my way of trying to make things all right even with the truth that it never is going to make any difference at all. I hurt someone to avoid creating a bigger pain in the future. Now, I don’t know anymore if that decision was right or just. I just shut him out without letting him know what I exactly feel. I admit, I did that because I was scared to lose him at the same time. I wanted him to be free, yet I wanted him to be just mine which is wrong and selfish! I had never felt happiness in my entire life the kind of happiness he brought into my world. Now, I keep shutting him out, making myself believe it’s what is best for us now. But, is it really? Or just for my mind it is, but never for my heart?

I really don’t understand why I feel this way when I should be feeling otherwise. I am happy that at least now he has his freedom, but it’s making me sad and hurt at the same time. Things feel so right. I just don’t know what’s keeping and making me feel they’re so wrong!! I want to say so bad how much I want him back. But, isn’t it too late? Have I let him slip away so far enough for me to reach out to him again and pull him back to where he used to stay in my heart? Why can I no longer hear his sweet voice even though I know he’s just there? Why does his presence feel so far though I know he’s in the closest place to me than I could ever imagine - in my heart? Why do I look for him when I know he’s never been gone? Why did I let him go when all I really wanted was for him to stay forever? What is wrong with me? I don’t understand a thing anymore!!!

I’m a person who truly and honestly believe in LOVE. But, why does it seem right now that I am the very least who do? What has got in to me?

I want to move on. But how? Where do I begin? And where am I headed? It’s like I'm walking out of heaven right now.

I’m walking out of heaven out of my own free will. I realized that some things are better off letting go no matter how much we long for it to be ours forever – some things are just not meant to be.

They say, we make our own destiny and it lies from the choices and decisions we make of today. From a movie I’ve seen before, they defined destiny as not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice. It’s not a thing to be waited for; it’s a thing to be achieved. I agree with this one. Now, I am making my own destiny.

At first, I thought it would be hard to do so. I haven’t come up with this kind of decision in my entire being. Now, it’s about time for me to start making big decisions and live my life the way I should have been, a long time ago. It’s never easy, but I know I can do this! Best things are always learned the hard way. It has always been my heart’s choice which I always follow, now it has to be my mind.

How can a heart that feel and give so much love bring you so much pain? How can the sweetest thing bring you the bitterest pain? Have you ever loved someone so much in spite of the truth that the chance for you being together is so small that you’d wish sometimes you’ve just given it all up or haven’t risked anything at all? It hurts so much, doesn’t it? Would you still fight for this kind of love when you KNEW it might not end up the way you’ve always longed it to be?

I have nothing else to say but sorry to those I’ve hurt their feelings inadvertently. I know this will never be enough and it can never undo the hurt and pain. But I am helpless. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings, I just did what I feel was right. I’d rather hurt someone at this time than make them believe of something which is no longer there and cause them a lot of pain in the future. God knows I did my best to nurture that feeling, but I believe He has a different plan, because if not, I would still be at the same place right now.

Walking out of heaven made me feel sad, but free at the same time! I will always look back to all the memories I had there. For those memories are once-in-a-lifetime and are really worth keeping.

I will always be grateful that I had seen and felt heaven on earth! No one has to be blamed why it didn’t end like those in fairy tales. I may have walked out, but I know soon, I’ll find myself walking back in again – with new set of dreams, new hope, and most of all, new Love! A love that’s stronger to stand against the test of time. A love that will surely be strong enough to stamp down what I haven’t conquered at this time. And most of all, a love that I can truly call MY OWN!

Note: I chose not to include my blog's URL as it contains some personal information that I'd rather not discuss here as of now. Thank you!!

A Haunting Truth

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Last night, while my husband and I were exchanging e-mails, something suddenly popped into my head that reminded me of a past that still haunts me up to these days. I don't know but I just can't seem to let go of it completely though I know it does nothing but hurt my feelings every time I think of it. I am not the typical kind of person who would hold back on something that's better off letting go, but that incident has brought me fear. Letting go of something that has caused you so much pain is not as easy as I thought. One moment you think you have let it go, the other, it's otherwise. You're not only trying to let go of it, but at the same time during the process, you're freeing yourself as well from other possible reasons that might lead you to the same issue again and again. You are left with so many questions you have no answers to and the more you ask yourself, the more it hurts you. You want to find out the whole truth, but at the same time, you're scared to know about it. You fight so hard to win your ground though deep inside you, you know you're going to lose the battle. Because how could you win, when you are battling against yourself?

Sometimes I wish I never found out about that truth if only I knew it would change a lot of things, especially within me. But if I haven't found out, right now, I'd be unaware that I have been believing in something that was actually built on lies. I would have not warned myself of the possibility that it might happen again. I could not have prepared myself. It hurts me as much as I don't want to care about it, every time its thoughts cross my mind. I just couldn't seem to find the right answers on how it happened and why that person did something so hurtful like that. But what hurts even more is, I can never trust that person the same way I did before. If it happens, it surely is going to take time.

The Missing Piece

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(I lovingly dedicate this to the love of my life; my husband, John)

What's with my nickname KC?

I can still vividly recall how that day - ten years ago, changed the entire story of the life I was yet to experience..I was twelve years old back then, barely thirteen, to make it more precise..I was in that one, boring class I had to attend every day, for the rest of my freshman year in high school..Our teacher at the time, (identity withheld) was doing her little lecture when I suddenly thought of something - my name, that why on earth am I called "KC"..Actually, it wasn't an issue to me at all, not until one by one, my friends started asking me why..As you all know by now, my real name's initials are K.A. and my last name starts with 'G' (maiden name)..So, where did that 'C' come from?! I absolutely had no idea!!

When I got home that afternoon from school, with the same thoughts and question tarrying inside my head, I sat and asked my grandmother how I got the nickname, KC..She chortled at my question, her Chinese eyes smiled with her as if teasing me of something I am not aware of, but should at least have an idea about..Sounds mind-boggling, doesn't it?! Believe me, I was more confused at the time than I could have ever be in my entire being..When she seemed not to say anything at all than letting out a ribbing smile, I finally broke the silence that was starting to supplant the whole surrounding..She kind of got the feeling that I won't stop until I find out why, when I asked her, "It's not because of my middle name, is it?" (I was referring to my mother's maiden name which starts with the letter 'C')..I love that last name more than I have loved my real one..There's a long story about that subject..Anyway, thinking about it still didn't make sense to me..Even if I would have loved it if grandma would say, "Yes, it's because of that middle name, you got your nickname, KC", I know it wasn't the right answer I was trying to dig in for..Grandma gently put down the pen she was holding, (she was writing something at the time..I know, I know, it wasn't an appropriate time to bother her, but I was desperate..) She looked at me and said, "Well, I'm not really that sure if it was your mother or your aunt who started calling you KC..But, I think it was your aunt..Because when you were born, at the time, she was a very big Sharon-Gaby fan (yeah, I know they were famous back in those days..) And since Sharon's daughter's name is also KC, she thought naming you the same exact name would vindicate her being an avid fan.." Wow, BOOM!! So, that was it?! That was the prize for my effort in finding out about my name - being named after KC Concepcion!? My gosh, was the only words I uttered at that very moment..My grandma just shrugged her shoulders and continued on what she was doing..I wanted to laugh at it, but I thought, it doesn't sound bad at all so why not just let it be?! It wasn't the kind of answer I was hoping to hear from her, either, but at least I have an answer now that I can give to my friends if in case they would end up asking me about the same thing again..But, was I that ready to really reveal the truth?! Wouldn't I look stupid to them or funny?! What if they'd suddenly think I am just making it up myself to make it sound 'better' to their ears?! Would they buy my story?! I wasn't sure at that moment, but I was in to it..It's totally up to them now if they will believe me or not..Then, I stood up and went to my room..

Since then, I started to love writing down "KC" on any piece of paper I could write on..I was quite happy that at least I have an idea now on where it came from..Or, was I really?! Wasn't that just because somehow, I kind of provendered my curiosity? But, I was enjoying every moment I would write it down using different designs..I wasn't good at doing it (and I don't know if I can ever be), but I've always loved how it looked like in the end..I guess because I was the only one who ever liked my handwriting..Nobody could read it better than I can..Hahaha

KC, KC, KC!! Just two letters, but every time I would write it down, I always got the feeling that there was something missing..Was it because I wasn't the original one who was named KC, that I was like more of an 'imitation'? This fact was not too hard to take in, so I know it wasn't the reason..There was something I felt that I've yet to find out..No matter how hard I've tried to win myself over, I just couldn't let go of the thought that there was indeed a missing piece of it..And I won't stop until I unveil that piece - the piece that was about to complete my life..

Years passed and I got in to college..Some still asked me about where my nickname was derived from..They didn't seem that convinced at all, since they couldn't find a possible, substantial answer to what the letter 'C' stands for..The 'K' obviously stands for Kirsti..Well, that's what most new-found friends love to do - ask you about just any query they could first think of, even including stuff you, yourself have no idea about..Sometimes, it's even through their unexpected and unrelenting questions that you find something out about yourself that you never knew was there all along..Yes, they would sometimes joke at me of someday marrying someone with a last name that starts with a 'C'..I remember them telling me, "Save the 'C' for last.." And there was this time when they even tried to set me up with a guy from our class whose last name was Castillo I think..I totally forgot..I was still in 1st year college that time..But, I was certain his last name starts with letter C..Funny, huh?! But, every time I would recall that moment, I'd still get goose bumps..Why?! Here's why..

Just 4 days before I turned 21 in August of 2006, through my cousin, a guy named John C. came into my life..Of course, it was a different story back then, but who would have thought I'll end up marrying him in the next 15 months?! NO ONE!! Not even in my wildest dream did I ever think that I and him would end up being friends..The moment I heard his name, I was taken aback..It was as if, there was something about what I suddenly felt towards him that wasn't there before..I wasn't sure yet, but every time I would say his name, it has always sounded so beautiful to my ears that there were even times I caught myself smiling at that simple thought..

I never thought I would find the other, better half of me - that what KC really stands for will ever be complete..For 21 years, I never noticed and realized that I'd been traveling in this life alone, that it was just 'K' all along..Now, I'm more than happy to say this out loud, KC is finally complete!! I have now that missing piece I've been searching for half of my life - my husband, John..Not only that I am no longer all by myself in this life's journey, it's also the feeling of assurance that I know I'll never be alone again..

Now, if you'll ask me what 'KC' stands for?! I'll proudly answer you, it stands for KIRSTI C**M****!!

That, I will never ever call a mere coincidence or that it was fate..I am KC now because from the very beginning, I already was destined to be..It was all God's plan..It was all in His hands..He has already designed the pathways of our lives leading to each other..He just made sure we'll cross paths at the right time..

Naming me KC was like buying me a puzzle..Only that, the one they gave me was actually my life's puzzle..I was destined to play it alone first until I finally find the missing piece that soon will help me complete the rest of it..

I am still filling the empty spaces in this puzzle piece by piece, only that now, I am no longer doing it alone..My husband and I are lovingly and happily filling each missing piece in this puzzle we now call, "Our Life", and we'll continue doing it until the very last piece of it is at its proper place..


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