Re-entry Permit or Citizenship?

Due to me not being a US Citizen yet, I am required to apply for a re-entry permit before leaving the US for me to be able to come back without any problems.  The permit costs $445 and is valid for two years only, and then, I'll have to apply again for another one because we'll be living overseas for three years.  If we end up choosing this option, applying twice will cost us $890 in the end.  Whereas, the fee for applying for citizenship will only cost $680.  That's way cheaper!  My only concern now is, I honestly don't think I'm that ready yet to give up my Filipino citizenship.

I have heard that I can apply for dual citizen later on, if I want to.  I really haven't read about that yet, but if in case I can, I probably will give it a shot.  I kind of want to try it now, but because we have limited time, I don't know if we'll be able to get the whole process done before we transfer.   I just don't feel like dealing with a lot of things right now.  I think we pretty much have enough going on already.

I already talked to my husband about this issue.  He also asked me to read more about applying for dual citizen because as far as we know, once I give up my Filipino citizenship, I will lose all my rights to like buy properties back home.  As a matter of fact, I have a land that is under my name, and if I'm no longer a Filipino citizen, I'm afraid I might not be able to do anything with it anymore.  But like said, I really don't know a lot about what I'll lose as far as my rights being a Filipino, if I changed my citizenship to US.  

While others feel so excited about becoming an American citizen, call me a hypocrite, but I am not.  It's not that I don't want to.  I love the US!  It's my second home now and my husband is in the military.  But, I love being a Filipino, first and foremost.  I guess I'm just not that ready yet.  But of course, for my family, I would do anything.

If getting the re-entry permit didn't have to cost that much, I'd probably would go for it.  And, if changing citizenship didn't mean I have to lose my rights being a Filipino, I'd choose that in a heartbeat.

So, you see my dilemma here?  I am confused as well...(sigh)

Got His Orders for His New Duty Station

Last week, when my husband went back to work after the holidays, he finally found out where his next duty station will be.  And I must say, it's going to be a real BIG MOVE this time.  A lot of things definitely need to get done, and we need to start as soon as possible.  We've only got a couple of months left, and we really want to make sure we got everything good to go before we leave.

Hubby's next duty station will take the whole family outside the US for 3 years.  I am feeling anxious, excited, and at the same time, to be honest, I do dread this next big move.  A whole new place, new people, no friends, no family - it's going to be just us again.  But this time, I do hope to meet more military wives and make new friends.  I didn't get to do it here because we decided to stay off base where most of the military families live.

There's already so much going through my head as early as now.  I can't help but feel nervous because it's going to be a big adjustment for the whole family.  I'm thinking about the kids, especially the oldest.  He's 3 now, and by the time we get to the new place, he's already 4.  We need to consider sending him to school, thus, we need to find a good school for him.  And since it's a foreign land, I can only hope it won't be that hard for us to find the best one for him.

We need to find a house for us there before we could move.  I don't know how we're going to do that when we're thousands of miles away?!  Another thing is, transportation.  My husband said, they won't ship the cars there.  I can already imagine having to get around with 3 kids without our own car.  I'm worried because my husband can get deployed for months, so how am I suppose to do stuff without a car, with 3 kids, in a different country?  I wouldn't be worried if we're going back to my homeland, but we're not.  It's definitely going to be a big challenge for both of us.  And inasmuch as I don't want to think about it, but I might stay in the Philippines with the kids while he's in deployment.  It will be a perfect time to visit my family and spend time with them.  And, I also need a break from all this.  With my family back home, I can finally get some rest because I know I will have them to help me out with the kids.  We'll just go back once my hubby's done with the deployment.

Another thing is, the dogs.  My husband wants to take the dogs with us, but since the other one is already old, she might not make it.  It's going to be a long flight, and they need to undergo medical as well.  As far as what I've read on the COF that hubby brought home last night, the process can at least take 7 months from the date of their first rabies vaccination.  (I don't know how many shots they need when it comes to that.  It's going to be our first time outside of the US.)  And, it was stated there that animals which have not met all requirements will have to be quarantined upon arrival until all are met.  There are NO exceptions! 

Hubby doesn't want to take the risk of bringing the dogs, but he's also scared that something might happen to them while we're away.  He's looking at asking his Mom if she can take care of them while we're gone.  Anyway, she lives all by herself.  The dogs can keep her company.  I know it'll break his heart to leave his "girls" behind, but I told him, if you're scared of losing them because of the long flight, then, 3 years without them isn't worth the risk.

So much on our plate right now.  I cannot even begin to think which should come first as far as the things we need to accomplish before leaving, is concerned.  I certainly don't know what to expect, nor do I even want to expect a thing right now.  I am overwhelmed with thoughts and I don't know what to do with them!  I can only pray that God will lead us the way and show us the right things to do, from start to finish.

Well, I guess it's safe to say now that it's official.  We're going overseas!  But, I cannot disclose where we're going.  In due time, I will.

It CAN Be Tough.. But, I'll Always Be a Proud Navy Wife!

Navy wife, or being a wife of someone who's in the military, is not a very easy job. Unless you're in our shoes, you'll never ever understand what that truly means.  We're the ones who are in constant training as well, day in and day out.  We're always training and working on things to be better spouses, a mother, and at the same time, a father to our children when our husbands are away.  We're the ones who worry a lot about things that not everybody can relate to, thus, making it harder for us to reach out anytime we want.  We go through things that others may find "normal', but behind closed doors, our hearts are crying, praying that for every minute, every second of every day that our love ones are away from us, God will continue to watch over them, and bring them back home to us - safe and sound.  We are the ones whose husbands or wives are away for months, not on a business trip, but to go behind enemy lines, and who knows what else they really go through when they're out there.  We have to deal with that, but at the same time, we need to stay strong for the ones who rely on us the most - our children.  We worry with every beat of our hearts for the ones who might not even make it home and wish they're next to us instead, and yet, some people complain why they're stuck with their partners and wish they could be away from each other for some time.  You'll never know how it's like to be really "away" from the person you love, unless you know the fact that if they leave, you might not see them again.

I've been warned.  I've always known that once I married someone who's in the military, my life will never be the same.  The life I chose will never be like those wives who married a businessman, a Doctor, a Teacher, or those whose jobs don't require them to be away from their families for too long.  Or, at least won't send them to areas where what you carry around you are weapons, vest, and anything that will help you stay alive.  I knew it's never going to be easy even as the years go by.  As long as my husband's in the military, I will never stop being almost like him.  And I will never stop supporting him!

Last night, my husband and I had a talk.  He's already up for new orders and he's been trying to choose where to go next.  He's got a lot on his plate right now, and I could tell by the looks in his eyes how stressed out he is.  I asked him what I could do to help, but in all honesty, he told me that for now, there's really nothing I could do but, be there for him.  And I understood that.  I just wish I can do more than just being there for him.  But we both know that it's something he needs to deal on his own right now.  Once he chose an order and got it, then, that's the only time I can start pitching in.  Right now, I have been constantly praying to God to give him the wisdom he needs in choosing the right orders for him.  An opportunity that will help better his career and our family at the same time.  I strongly believe that with God, nothing is impossible!  And He will grant the desires of our hearts if we just have faith in Him and keep on trusting His mighty plans for us.  Nobody knows best than the One who created us.

Anxious and Excited

Khaki Ball (Navy Ball) will be the very first ball I'll be attending in my whole 26 years of existence.

We're Moving...Soon!!

Here soon, we'll be moving out of California. Sad, but true. Both I and my husband feel the same way about this matter, but there's nothing we could do. That's the life of a Military family! Where it sends us is where we'll go.

We'll be moving to the Midwest. That's where we'll be for the next three years. Good thing is that, Skyler and the next baby are still too young to remember this or else it would suck moving the kids from one place to another and having them start from scratch all over again. To me, that's the only thing I really don't like about this [except packing and unpacking, literally, a whole house!!], even for us. We feel sad because all of our good friends are here in California. My sister and some of our relatives are here as well. The new place we're moving to has totally nobody that we know, none at all!! John has to start from zero, too. He said he probably won't see anybody at his new workplace that he knew from his previous "jobs". I can somehow feel what he feels. It's not easy to establish trust and make people like you right away, especially when you're new to them. But, I have no doubt that he'll be just fine. One thing that I've always admired about John is, the way he associates with people around him. He can make them laugh, enjoy a great conversation with him, and he makes friends with people easily. And that means them actually liking him for just being him -- just the way he is. He doesn't even have to try. It comes out of him naturally - every time.

One thing, too that we look at this is, a plan that God already set for us. Maybe we need some changes; new place, new job, new everything! As a family, we probably need this. And we have this hope that this, too will help John's career in the Navy. Well, we all know that everything works for our good, according to His will. So, we're keeping our faith and hopes up and we're praying that no matter where He sends us, He'll always be there to help and guide us.

Saturday Thoughts

For this whole weekend, my husband will be in a camp somewhere up north California. It's part of their training for their upcoming deployment. I'm kind of worried about him because he still isn't feeling completely fine. But he had to go. I just pray that he will be all right the whole time he is there.

I still am a bit unhappy about this upcoming deployment. But we both know that things happen for a reason. We both had prayed to God about this - if whether he'll be deployed or not - that whatever His plans are, so let them be. We know they're sent for our own good. And now, we're starting to see the bright side of this. And this reason, somehow is what makes this whole thing a little lighter to bear for me now. We know now why God let this happen - for our future :)

Though I know this one is yet another obstacle that we both must trounce, we know everything will work out fine. There's a lot of things we need to really start working on now - a lot of them we need to accomplish. I made it through my first deployment and that was a tough one. So, who said I can't make it through this time?! ;)

Another Deployment!!

When my husband first told me over the phone that there's a possibility that he might get deployed again this coming March, for I don't know how long, my heart stopped beating. I went completely silent then burst out crying. I was in Samar at the time. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was like, he just got back and they're sending him away again? I thought it just wasn't fair. I felt so devastated and that all our plans would end up crashing on me any moment. We already made plans for this year and we both are so looking forward to making each of them happen. But with this impending deployment news, I admit, I almost gave it all up. I was worried I might not get through this one since I'd just gone through our first deployment and it wasn't easy. Although he didn't confirm yet if he'll be sent or not, another deployment?! -- I don't think so.

That was my first reaction and how I handled the situation. I know I was totally wrong. I think nobody would have expected me to react the other way around.

That night before I went to bed, I sat and prayed to God. I asked for guidance and help to get us through this, especially my husband. That if this is His will, let it be done. We both know God won't allow something to happen if it isn't for our own good. If they ever send him to go on deployment, I prayed that God would sustain me more strength, not just for myself alone but for the both of us. This will be tough once again, but after I prayed, I felt a different kind of comfort engulfing me. I knew then that it was Him letting me know that He's got everything taken care of and that I don't have anything to worry about.

Today, my husband confirmed that it's definitely a "go". In March, he'll be deploying again - for the second time within a year. I can't be specific as to where he'll be stationed at, but he assured me that this deployment isn't going to be like the first one; that he'll be doing a completely different kind of job this time. I didn't say much. I just said OK. But deep inside me, I was praying that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't just say what he did just so I won't have to get too worried about him while he is out there. I was half crossing my fingers that moment he was talking on the phone about this matter. I could only hope and pray. The past deployment hasn't been easy for the both of us, especially for me because it was my very first one. I know I should be a lot stronger now because somehow I already have an experience as how to handle or survive a deployment. But it didn't work that way for me - at least not right away. I just couldn't take in that my husband would be leaving again when he just barely got back. I can only imagine the hassles he's about to deal with again making sure everything is taken care of - from his dogs down to all the things he just started getting out of the storage. Good thing somehow is that he's staying right now at his friend's house. He doesn't have a lot of things to pack compared to last year. He had to move all his things out of his apartment to the storage basically doing almost all the work by himself. I feel sad that I am not there to help him in times like this :( I know how much he needs me. If only I am with him...

To be honest with you, I did cry today when I found out he really is going. A lot of emotions ensnared me. But the one that really made me cry a lot was the possibility that we might not be able to see each other before he leaves!! I don't think I'll ever take that. I mean, we hardly are together. All I want is to even spend a couple of days with my husband before he gets deployed. I don't think that's too much to ask and hope for. But I know things in the military don't always work that way. That's one bitter truth I have to start accepting now. It's too hard to tell you in all honesty!! But because I love my husband and what he does, I am willing to endure everything for him. I am just here for him no matter what. No matter how hard things turn out to be, I always want him to know that he's got a wife here who will always back him up and will always love him no less than how much I do now. I don't think I ever need to make promises to my husband when it comes to life in the military. For me, doing things for him especially when it comes to his job is more of a commitment I willingly and lovingly put myself into when I decided to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. It's such an honor to be a military wife! This is a tough, tough job. But to even think that I'd trade this for something else in this world - that is the very last thing I would do!!

Mahal, I know it disheartened you when I cried on the phone today. But still I want to thank you for giving me that time to let out my emotions. For understanding how I felt. You know I will always support you no matter what. I just felt sad that you have to leave again and even if we're not really together right now, every time I know you have to go, I always feel like you're getting farther away from me. I know you have to do this. Orders are orders. And you have my full support and all my love. I know everything will be fine :) I will do my best to stay strong for us. I am so proud of you, my sweet husband and I always will be!! I love you much more than I can even begin to tell you. You are my life, my world, my everything!! We're going to get through this :) God is always with us...

This will be hard, guaranteed. No deployment is ever easy, I guess. I think I will always dread times like this for as long as we are in the military. But I know, with my husband and God with us, I will get through this one just as I did with the first deployment. I will just keep myself busy around here. There are things for me to do ;)

We may have made plans for ourselves for this year, but God's plans are always way better. We may not understand fully everything at first or all throughout the way, but in the end, He'll let us see how things worked out for our own good - the reasons He let those things happen instead of the plans we had set for ourselves. Like what the quote that mom sent me says, "God's grace won't put you where His love won't support you", I know and believe that things will work out perfectly fine.

Our Unforgettable Malaysia Trip

Again, my husband left me a surprise on our Multiply. When I hopped online to see if he's still on, an e-mail popped up and the only word I uttered was "Wow!!" when I finally got to take a look at what's inside the e-mail - a link to the photos taken during our trip to Malaysia on August 17-20, 2008.

It took this long before J was able to post our photos because he got so busy with work. I'm happy that he took the time today to do this. He knows it will surely put a smile on his wife's face ;) Mahal, thank you so much and I appreciate this a whole lot!! mwah mwah mwah I love you bunches and bunches, kiddo!!

Here's what he wrote on Multiply for the album description.

This was a miracle in the making as I was able to fly my wife out to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Even though it was short lived because of how the flight schedule was from the airlines it was the best time I think we have had yet. Being able to see my wife during deployment was the best thing I have experienced yet in my career. We were able to eat at Malaysia's only revolving restaurant and it was very romantic, well at least I hope it was for my wife ;) The experiences I have been able to have with her will carry on to our children when we have them. Mommy and Daddy have definitely went to some places and we have many more to journey to. Mwah mahal ko!!!

And here are our photos. They're not much, but each surely does hold remarkable memories that would last us a lifetime.

The beautiful Petronas Twin Towers at day time and nighttime
[view from The Federal Kuala Lumpur, Revolving Bintang Restaurant]


These were taken on our way to the Petronas. I think we walked a good 2 miles to get there!!

[John and the giant soda!!] & [KC at the Revolving Restaurant enjoying the moment with her husband]

That's us...Enjoying the great meal and romantic ambiance of the place...
Taken hours before I had to leave back to the Philippines...

J's right when he said "The experiences I have been able to have with her will carry on to our children when we have them." It's true, we capture photos using our cameras, but the real images and the memories behind them are forever kept and treasured in our hearts :)

Our trip to Malaysia was truly a miracle, a wonderful blessing that we will forever be grateful to God for. We didn't even have enough time to plan for it. J just suddenly asked me on August 8 if I would like to fly out to see him and get to spend time with each other during their port visit. I thought he was just joking at first, but later that afternoon, I went out to print a copy of my flight itinerary :) He even forwarded to my e-mail the copies of the hotel reservation and the hotel transfer voucher that I also printed out together with my itinerary. I knew then, he was really serious.

We almost didn't make it because of some card problems we encountered while J was trying to purchase my ticket. And at the airport, on the night of my departure, I almost ran out of money because I didn't know I had to pay for the Tourism Tax with an amount of P1,620.00 aside from the P750.00 at the Immigration. I had to convert my money [in USD] back to PhP just so I'd be able to make it through. At the time, I already had converted my money to USD for the hotel deposit. You can't imagine how nervous I was at that very moment when I looked into my wallet and found out I may ran out of cash. But God saw right through our hearts the desire and longing to see and be with each other even just for a short time and that we weren't giving up, so He made a way where there seemed to be no way!! All in all, I only had a total amount of P200.00 [$4] left in my pocket. I even only bought a cup of noodles and a bottle of water on the plane. But, everything was worth it :) I stayed up the whole flight, reading and listening music. I couldn't sleep. I was just too excited knowing that I was going to see my husband again and in a country we both had never been to before. In other words, it was both our first time in Malaysia!!

The whole flight to Kuala Lumpur only lasted 3 and a half hours. We left here at exactly 2100 and arrived there at 1210 - that's 20 minutes ahead of the actual time of arrival. After filling up the disbursement form, we then went to wait for our turn to be asked by the Immigration officer regarding our purpose of travel. I got asked by a lady and the only question she asked me was, "How long are you staying here?". I answered right away, "Three days." Then, she stamped my passport [I got 30 days on it] and off I went!!

When I went out of the airport, the hotel transfer was already outside waiting for me. I didn't have a hard time looking for him because he was right outside, in front of the exit way and was holding this sign with a big, black print that read "Mrs. K.A.C. The Federal Kuala Lumpur Hotel". I was greeted by his warm and kind smile, and although I was already starting to get really tired, that simple gesture of his brought me back to my senses and somehow made me smile as well. He took my suitcase and escorted me towards the waiting car. One thing I will never forget about that night - that was my first time being inside a right-sided car. They drive on the right side of the lane. I was a little bit intrigued as to how it would feel, so when the car started moving, I realized I also started liking it :) In fact, I enjoyed all the way to the hotel. I forgot about being tired and all that. All throughout the whole travel, I was wide awake. I didn't want to miss a thing. Though it was early in the morning and dark outside, I still got to admire all that were in front of me. I said to myself, "Finally, I am here. Oh, so this is Malaysia?! It looks so much like Philippines!" Honestly speaking, everything that I saw there reminded me of my own country. I didn't compare the two because I know each is unique and beautiful. There were just some things I wished we have here as well, at the time. They got really wide lanes there, not-so-heavy traffic, clean air and surroundings!! I admired how disciplined they are for keeping their places clean, air pollution-free. I loved the whole time we were walking outside. In fact, we even decided to just walk all the way to get to the Petronas Twin Towers instead of riding in a cab. It was hot, but still it felt great.

I talked to the driver the whole time. We introduced each other by name. His name's Nabeel, a Malaysian. But for me, he looks more of an Indian. He was so kind for answering all my questions. That was my way, too to at least break the ice and make the whole travel comfortable for both sides. We had a nice and sensible conversation that night that we almost didn't notice we were close to the hotel. My oh my, the whole trip from the airport to the hotel was close to one hour!! Yes, that's how far. There was no traffic and Nabeel was driving quite fast, yet it took us that long to get to our destination - The Federal Hotel in Bukit Bintang.

Anyways, after checking in, I went straight to our room. The moment I was inside the hotel, I suddenly felt so tired again - and at the same time, really sleepy. John was not supposed to arrive till later on that day, so I spent the whole time alone in the room. I wasn't able to fall asleep until, I think, 0330. The room was huge and I felt so alone and empty. All I had in mind the whole time was my husband. Oh, how I couldn't wait at the time for him to be there next to me!! I couldn't wait to see him, hug him, talk to him, and above all, I wanted him so bad, but I know I had to hold back all those emotions. He was on his way anyway. It required a lot of patience out of me, though convincing myself he'll soon be next to me. I was just so over excited to finally see my dearest husband again!!

J arrived at exactly 1330 later on that day. Not on the actual time he first told me he was coming. Supposed to be, he'll be at the hotel at 1000, but he said that the ship was an hour away from the city and he still had to take an hour-long bus ride and a cab to get to the hotel. Mind you, when I realized he wasn't coming yet, I cried. I was crying because I was wanting so bad to see him and I was ... hungry!! You read it right. I haven't had my breakfast and lunch. I wanted to wait for him. So, when he rang the doorbell, I ran to the door and opened it - and there he was!! I kind of acted as if I wasn't that happy to see him - the heck, I was!! I just felt so relieved that he was finally there with me that's why I was in my quiet mood as what he calls it. But the moment J pulled me close to him and hugged me, I gave in to all the feelings I had been holding back since the night before. When I heard him crying, I automatically cupped his face with my hands and wiped his tears away telling him it's all right, we're together now - and then ... we kissed :) We kissed so passionately, neither of us wanted to stop. I loved that moment. And I love how he smiles when we're kissing. I'm sure you already have an idea as to what happened next ;)

We stayed in our room till 1630. We went out for a little walk and looked at stuff and bought some items from stores/shops just near the hotel and we went down to the Delaney's Irish Pub to meet up with his buddies from work at 1700. I was a bit nervous but so excited that I was going to finally meet them in person :) They were all so nice and funny and I must say, I enjoyed my time with them.

After that, we left the group. J and I went to this Indian restaurant and had dinner there, then we went to the Salsa Havana just inside the hotel and played pool. We made a bet - loser will do whatever the winner says or asks ;) I LOST!! Well, yeah, tell me about it!! We went back to our room after finishing the game and to make the loser pay ;) We both went to sleep with a wide, wide smile on our lips...Aww!!

The following day, we went out to look at some more stuff, bought souvenirs, and had lunch at the Planet Hollywood. Then, we went to the Petronas. We didn't know it was that far, because from our hotel, it looked so close, so we decided to walk all the way there. We only found out that we actually walked 2 miles when we were in the cab on our way back. But we had fun, though. We got to see the Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre and really nice places along the way. We bought souvenirs from the Petronas Souvenir Shop. Later that evening, we had dinner at the Revolving Bintang Restaurant on the 18th floor of the hotel. It was a very romantic dinner - a memorable one for us. Everything was perfect that night, I didn't want it to end. But I had to leave back to the Philippines and J had to go back to the ship. We were still planning on going out that night after our dinner, but we decided to spend our remaining time in our room for more intimate moment together. At 2130 that night, J took me to the airport for my trip back home. It was his first time to experience having me flying out and leaving him behind. And on the phone the following day, he told me how it made him feel after I left and he went back to the hotel alone and I wasn't there anymore. Well, I told him, that's how I always feel every time he leaves back to the States. Now, we both know how it truly feels.

Leaving is hard, but sometimes it is even harder for the ones who are being left behind.

The whole trip was truly a blessing!! Everything could have remained dreams if God wasn't there to help us through. It was an experience that we'll truly remember for the rest of our days. We may haven't gotten a lot of time together, but God made sure we'd get the best out of our short vacation - beautiful memories that are worth-keeping for a lifetime.

That's how the whole trip went. Kind of long, isn't it?! I should have posted about this a long time ago, but I couldn't because there were no photos yet to go with the story. I hope I didn't bore you or anything. And thank you for your time reading :)

The Wifey is So Excited and Happy!!

I bet everyone here already knows how excited I am about his homecoming. Needless for me to say it, but sheesh, what can I do?! I just can't seem to stop saying that I am, again and again - I AM SO FRIGGIN' EXCITED!! ;) As a matter of fact, the closer it gets, the harder it is for me now to get enough sleep. Honestly speaking, since last week, I've been getting an average of 5 hours of sleep. I would fall in and out of sleep because I'm always thinking - thinking of him - of a lot of things, especially once he gets here. If he were to come tomorrow, I'd probably stay up tonight and just sleep whenever he's already next to me in bed the following day :) I won't mind staying in bed the whole time on the first day. Anyway, that's even part of our plan ;) [Aww..]

By the way, my husband surprised me tonight over the phone when he told me he's going to treat me out to a movie, and guess what movie we're going to watch? It's no other than High School Musical 3!! I was like, "are you serious?!" when he told me because it was something totally unexpected for me. I mean, knowing how my husband dislikes Zac Efron (because I've got this huge crush on him..hahaha), never did it occur to me that he'd want to take me to see this movie. He said, it's to prove that there's no hard feelings. Hahaha!! ;) It was supposed to be his surprise when he gets here knowing that I'd really be surprised if he were to do that, but when I mentioned that a friend of mine offered to treat me out to see a movie and I said yes and picked HS Musical 3, J had no choice but to let his little suprise leak. Aww, sorry Mahal!!

I didn't go out. I would love to watch the movie more with J and I'm so looking forward to it :) Yaay, what's he going to do if he sees and hears me screaming like hell once I get to see Zac Efron on the big screen?! Hmmm..I'm crossing my fingers.........

I'm also more than excited with the fact that this is my first time welcoming my soldier home from deployment. But, I am a bit saddened with the thought of me not knowing what to do to make that day special - something he'd be happy about when he finally arrives. I am thinking of some things but I just couldn't seem to produce a concrete plan as to what I'd prepare or surprise him with. To add to it, I don't even know yet what to give him as an anniversary present :( This is when I feel less of a wife!! These thoughts are really eating me up from inside. It's dispiriting me. I have no job, therefore, I have no earnings of my own. And no money means I can't buy anything for him. I depend on him right now for almost everything. If only I have a job like before, this would not be a problem.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to be resourceful :) Gifts don't have to be expensive, but you still have to spend regardless of the price, am I right?!

I'm really thinking what to do. Can anybody help me, please?! ;(

Getting Closer

The husband is now in a country that's just hours away from me ;) In fact, we now have the same time. It's where he'll be flying out from to get here very, very soon :)

I was awakened by a phone call this afternoon [I fell asleep reading ;)] and when I got up to answer the call and saw the number on the screen, I knew then that it was him and where he was calling me from. He told me that his days being on the ship finally had come to an end, though he is going back there tomorrow to get the rest of his stuff and to sign something regarding his leave. That's pretty much it and he'll be on his way home to me ;)

He told me he that bought a new suitcase because he didn't want to use his military duffel bag all the way here. Every time my husband travels here, he travels as a civilian and he does not show any gesture, anything that would make people suspect that he is in the military. He's so extra careful when it comes to that. Something I've already learned to grasp completely because as his wife, I am a part of it. I have my fair share in keeping this little secret as safe as possible whenever he's on travel as an ordinary citizen. I'd say it's kind of hard sometimes, especially when somebody ends up asking me what my husband does for a living and I couldn't give the right answer. It's just that, I am so proud of what he does and by hiding the truth, it makes me feel less of a Proud Military Wife that I keep saying I am. Although I can tell about his real job to close friends, there are still limitations which I completely understand. And even I, his own wife, don't know a lot about his job. My husband trusts me, but there are just some things that are meant to be kept from us. Not because they want to, but because they need to as part of their job :)

All right, so much for that...

I am just so happy that he is almost home now :) Just few more days and my soldier is finally in my arms again!!

My Soldier is Coming Home Very, Very Soon!!

I'm just so happy that in a couple of days, my husband will be home with me!! He was able to take his leave ahead of time and we're so thankful to God above for allowing this to happen. J worked so hard on having his leave request approved and God has rewarded all his efforts. I can't thank my husband enough for doing everything he did just to be with me and for us to be able to celebrate our first wedding anniversary together. Although he didn't get to have a longer time with me, at least we were given more than what he had when he came here in April-May before he left for deployment. This is such a wonderful blessing that won't be possible if God hasn't been always there for us :)

We still haven't decided where we should spend our anniversary, but we did agree that we'll talk about it when he gets here. At least, I got our plane tickets for Samar taken care of ;) I've got a story to tell about that one. I mean, what I had been through just to make sure I got us our plane tickets. I'd say, it was a test for me as to see how determined I was to get it done. And I'm thankful I beat that one. God made sure I won't give up just like that - without me fighting and doing my best to get what I needed.

Gracious, I'm so excited!! It's sometimes hard for me now to sleep at night knowing that in a couple of days, I'd be sleeping again next to the man I love the most and just the thought that I'll be waking up with him laying next to me, just gives me this joy I can never put into words. I can't wait to finally hold my soldier in my arms and just be held in his for as long as we want to. And above all, I am just happy and thankful to our Almighty Father that he's coming home safe and sound :)

I'm happy for those who will get to see their love ones, too very, very soon. They're all on their way home :) God has been so good for keeping them all safe and for guiding them while they were out there doing what they needed to do. He has never left their sides nor allowed anything bad to happen to each of them. I know not all will get to go home just yet, but I'm sure God will stay with them until they're able to. And to those who lost their loved ones out there, my prayers are with you. I know God will send them to continue looking after you, making sure you're all fine and doing well. They didn't leave us with nothing. They left us with something we'll always be grateful for and proud of - we are living a free life because of them who are willing to sacrifice their own lives for us. We will always be so proud of each of our heroes and they will always be remembered!! Thank you for fighting still for our freedom!! We can never repay you just as much, but our prayers are with you always.

A countless thank you very, very much to all soldiers out there - from a Proud Soldier's Wife :)

Weekend Photos: Deployment is Nearly Over

These are photos of J taken before they left the area and after they successfully did their missions. He's so ready to be back home!

(I actually don't know what kind of camera they used in taking the first photo)

Over the phone, he told me that they did a lot of fun things during their last 3 and a half days of stay there after they got back from doing missions. He was able to go and buy more stuff he needed and for the family of course. And the most fun things they got to do were; they went to a camel farm where he got a chance to feed a baby camel. He said he's got photos but will show me when he comes home. They went to the actual location of the bridge that connects Saudia and the place they were at and he said the experience was so amazing. They also went snorkeling and I kind of teased him for that. I said to him, you'll go snorkeling where? In the desert sand? [hehehe]

I'm so happy for my husband that his job gives him the opportunity and chance to experience these things that most people can only dream about. At his age, he's been to many countries, seen many places, and has seen a lot about life in different angles, in different views and aspects. That is probably why my husband thinks and say things the way he does and I am so proud of what he knows, what he understands, and his eagerness and willingness to learn more about things in general. And above all, he has been to those places I've long been dreaming to visit since I was a kid and I'm so happy that at least for now, one of us actually has been there and has stories to share to the other. Maybe, in God's own good time, we could travel back there together and have the time of our life!! For now, I am pretty content just seeing them through photos that he sends me. Knowing he's in every photo makes me feel I was there, too the whole time, especially how well he tells the whole story :) I'm so looking forward to listening to the rest of the story about his whole deployment when he comes home. And it's going to be very, very soon :)

Request Denied

Odd as it may sound, but today I never felt like checking my e-mails. For the first time in the history of my life, I never wanted to read any e-mail from everybody, especially those from my husband.

When I woke up this morning, I knew right away that today was going to be a bad day for me. I had that feeling and I was right about it. I did my best to ignore the clamor of different thoughts tarrying inside my head, but I got discomfited. Slowly, it pulled me down till I broke to my knees and had no more strength to lift myself back up.

Fighting the urge to read e-mails, I still somehow managed to open and read one. And just as I expected it would be, it wasn't the kind of e-mail I was so looking forward to reading on a day as lousy as what I already was experiencing. At the last thought, I still wished I never gave in to that diminutive voice telling me awhile ago to do so. No more turning back the time now. I am here, crying and wishing I never read that e-mail. I wouldn't be feeling this way right now if I haven't done what I did. No, I shouldn't be feeling this way...

My husband said in his e-mail that now, it looks like they're not only going to not approve his 30-day leave request, they're even deducting seven [7] days from the hopefully twenty eight days that we thought they'll grant him. So now, it is more likely that he'll only be getting twenty one days of leave from the first 30 that he'd been working his best on.

I don't know what else to say. I don't even know how long I can last on dealing with this right now with a lot of other stuff troubling me at the same time and not having anybody with me here to turn to. I feel like I am so alone in this battle and I have nothing, nobody but myself to fight it with. I feel like I'm watching all of what I've been planning on doing when he gets here, fall right in front of me and as much as I want to do something to impede it from completely crashing down, I am left so helpless. I want him so much to stay longer. He's always been away from me. Don't I deserve to have him with me even just for a month? I'm not even sure now if we will get to celebrate our first wedding anniversary together if that would be the case. And my once colorful plans on what we will be doing together when he gets here are slowly turning to gray. The heck, I no longer even know what to reply to my husband's e-mail. I don't know what to say to him or how I'd convey my feelings and thoughts about this matter. I am clueless. All I know right now is, I'm so over this one. They can do whatever they want with that leave request. They fight and risk their lives, enduring times they need to be away from their love ones because they have important jobs to do, but still they can't spend as much time as they want to be with their families? If that's not the term for that, then what is it? If I am wrong about this, then I'd be more glad to be enlightened with the truth. Because the way I am seeing this from my end is that, it doesn't look fair, not at all.

I can only hope that some things don't have to work that way.

Twenty Eight Days is All He Gets

Well, looks like my husband won't get to spend time with me as planned. He's been working really hard in the past few days on getting a 30-day leave request approved, and today he just dropped the bomb. Twenty-eight days of leave - that's all he'd probably be getting. He mentioned in his e-mail that he has a total of sixty available days of leave, but because I think, he's also planning on spending Christmas with mom in Oklahoma this coming December, maybe that's why they didn't approve him taking a leave of thirty [30] days. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining here or anything. I just don't understand why they won't add two more days to make it thirty [30] instead. What is two days? What difference would it make if they give it to him so he can have at least a whole month of vacation? This thing just gave me the queerest feeling and I am not happy about it - not at all.

Prayers are still there that God would help us find a way. Right now, for me at least, it seems like there's no other way out than that very door in the end of this dark hallway which leads to a trodden path I never want to set my foot on in the first place. Of course, I am grateful to God that we will be spending almost a month-long of time with each other. Being in the military, this is really something I consider as a big blessing because not everybody gets to spend more time with their love ones during R and R, and I'm thankful that my husband has been allowed to stay for close to a month. It's just that, those two days mean a lot and we could use those days to do more stuff together. We are not together most of the time, that is why time is of import to the both of us that even a single minute is too precious to waste. Though I was a bit dubious right from the very beginning about this matter, I still didn't lose hope that he will get his request for a 30-day leave, approved. But I think I have to just veer away from that thought now. D told me he'll be submitting the request sheet to his Chiefs today. I was like, so I think that's it - twenty eight days - not bad, though isn't it?! But still I must admit, that made me feel so bereft of time and I believe we deserve to be with each other longer than that.

Three Liberty Days

My husband was able to spend three days off the ship this week, from Friday till today (Sunday). He just, in fact, got back on the ship tonight [afternoon their time] to go to that area again. I had that same feelings again, every time he's about to leave - worrying, wanting to hold him back and not let him go just yet, wishing I could hold him, hug him and kiss him, and all that. I'm sure that we had the same feelings at that very moment, I heard it in his voice. We were talking still on the phone even up to the last minute before they boarded the helo, and like before and always, I never wanted to let go. If only it was possible for us to still continue talking over the phone even while they're already up on air. The only thing that made it less harder this time is, God willing, this week is going to be their last week out there and they'd be sent back to the ship where they actually are from.

I may not be there with him physically to see him take off along with the other soldiers, but I know the pain when seeing your most-loved person leaves is just as intense as being actually there to witness it personally. I think, it's even harder not being able to be there to even give my husband hugs and kisses and just be able to tell him in person how much I love him and that I'll be waiting for his return. It may be hard to see them disappear right before our very eyes, but it gives them the assurance and comfort that they have someone - who loves them with all of their heart - they will look forward to coming home to.

I never thought they'd give them liberty time - not exactly like day-off or something but a sort of time off the ship - so I was surprised when I suddenly received a phone call from him on Friday evening. He just told me in his letter that I shouldn't send him e-mails to his e-mail ad on the ship because something came up and they might be moved to a different area. I had no idea they'd be sent back to that place. I'm thankful to God that at least, for three days, they were given time for themselves to relax somehow and we were able to talk to each other over the phone. He'd call me for like five to six times a day and still would send me text messages right after every conversation just to tell me (again) how much he loves and misses me, and I got to see him on webcam!! Not too long, though because of the slow connection. It froze up on us just even before I had the chance to really relish myself watching him. Oh, how I missed him so much and how I always miss him every single moment ;(

We also got to buy together something for our grandparents in Samar - obviously, not together physically - over the phone. He called me and we discoursed about what stuff to buy for them and he'd tell me if he has seen one and asked me if that thing would do or not. It wasn't hard for him to find something for grandma - something we both agreed on buying for her, but it got a little bit harder on what to get for grandpa. Whew!! Why is it just so hard sometimes to find desirable presents for men/guys/baby boys? Honestly, I am not so good in doing that. It has always been a lot easier for me to look and buy presents for girls than for boys. It's the thought, I think, that I don't want to buy something they'd end up not liking and I bought it just because I thought it'd look cute or good on them, that makes it harder for me to decide on which is which. And sometimes, it's when you see a lot of beautiful things and you couldn't pick the right one up. You're just left there standing, staring at everything that's surrounding you not even having a miniature clue on what you want to buy - because in the back of your head, if you can just afford, you'd buy them all in a heartbeat. I'm not sure what my husband ended up getting for him. I already gave up when the both of us could no longer think of what to buy for grandpa. All he said to me was, he'll still would go and look around for stuff and hopefully find something suitable for him. I don't know if he did find one, but I hope he did and it didn't take him time to do that. We just wanted to give something to the both of them [grandpa and grandma] that will always remind them of us and how much we truly and dearly love them. Something that is kind of rare to find. Well, rare that is if you don't actually go on purpose to that particular place that sells them or has them. I'm thinking of labeling those gifts with - From the Deserts with Love - as that's where D got them from, then our names just underneath it. We both know it's not how expensive the present is or how appealing it looks; it's the love, the thoughts that count the most.

D also surprised me when he - out of my knowledge - posted pictures they took in that place, on our Multiply site. He entitled the album - For My Wife - and wrote something, too. I couldn't help but adore him more while looking at the photos. How I wanted to give him hugs and kisses so badly right then and there!! If I were to do something at that very moment, I would stand next to him with great pride, so much pride while shouting at the same time to the rest of the world, "This is my husband. He is a great soldier and I am so proud of him!!"

(my husband)

(with his buddy, Danny)

One week down; two more to go

It's been a week now since my husband left on a three-week long mission to I-don't-know-where. One week down?! Wow, that was quick!! It's true that when you keep yourself busy, you hardly notice the days pass by. I hardly noticed those days that much. Last week, while we were talking on the phone before they headed out, those two words - three weeks were the hardest ones to say or even think of. I was so scared and all that and as much as I tried not to let him feel how worried I was at the time, he still perceived it. D is really good at it ;) It's so hard to hide something from him, especially when it comes to how I feel. The thought that he knows me that much by heart gives me an immeasurable joy.

This past week, we at least got to talk to each other more than we expected. We never thought we could, but we did. I even had that feeling that he'd never get the chance to e-mail me at least once a day. But, God surely does make a way where there seems to be no way. John informed me ahead of time that he won't be able to send me e-mails as much as he wants to because of them having a lot of things to do out there and for the fact that they only have three computers there for so many people to take turns to use. That's the reason we hardly get the chance to exchange e-mails with each other. If he's on, it's either I am still asleep or busy doing stuff around here. And if I am on, he's the one who's not available to hop online or he's out doing missions. One factor, too is the time difference. I am a couple of hours ahead of him which makes it a bit hard for us to come online at the same time. So, who would have thought that we at least are able to exchange a couple of e-mails a day? God is great indeed! It's kind of hard, but with the Lord's constant guidance and help, we're making it through, one day at a time.

Since he left, we haven't talked to each other on the phone - not once. I already got the feeling that for the whole three weeks he'll be out there, phone call is as close as it is impossible to ride on a flying broomstick with Harry Potter. [hehehe] It's just one of the many things we have to endure right now. I miss the sound of his voice, no doubt about that and I know he does miss mine, too. We just keep reminding each other that it's almost over, he will be home with me soon. If there's one thing my husband does even he's far, he keeps me strong and going. He always tells me how I am helping him make this deployment a less stressful, but he just doesn't know that he's actually the one who's helping me survive day after day in this situation that I am so new to everything. He just is such a great husband! Even if he is far, he never fails to make sure I am always well-taken care of :)

The first week came by so quickly and before I know it, third week is finally over! The first thing I want is to hear his sweet voice. He promised he will call as soon as he gets the chance to and I know he will keep his words :) He always does.

This is what scares me most!

Attached here is an e-mail that my husband sent me about 2 hours ago. We got a chance tonight to exchange e-mails before he left to do a mission.

On another note I have to go load out for a mission now, things are getting hectic out here. I am not telling you this to worry about me, but I want to make sure you remember your tools you can use. If anything happens to me mahal you can always contact the American Red Cross and talk to them if you have to visit me in a hospital. They can help pay for a ticket and then they will just have it repaid later. Also the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society is another tool to use. If you ever need help on that remember those two and they both have websites with numbers to call. I love you with all my heart and I will always love you with everything in me.

I don't even know where to begin right now. I don't know what exactly to say. My heart is covered in fear; my mind is clouded with worrying. Who wouldn't feel the way I do right now if you receive an e-mail from your husband telling you to prepare yourself just in case something might happen to him? None of what he mentioned in his letter registered in my head. I don't even know how I was able to reply to that e-mail. All I remember telling him was, "I will wait for you till you get back. And you better come back!!" Can anybody out there understand what I feel right now? I am trying my hardest not to cry, but I can't help it!! I just can't. He said he will let me know once he gets back and I am going to stay up late if I have to just so I won't miss his e-mail and for me to be able to reply him right away. And one thing that's bothering me right now - I have been a really bad wife ;( I did something today that upset him and hurt his feelings. I didn't put his feelings, but mine into consideration when I sat there and brought something up from the past. I don't know what has got into me for doing that in the first place. My husband is out there risking his own life and I am doing nothing but trouble his mind. I admit I was wrong and I never meant to make him feel that way. All I wanted was to find out the truth, but I guess - I'm sure - I brought it up at a perfectly-wrong timing. Now, it's eating me from within. It's making me feel uneasy and guilty knowing that he went out there with a heavy heart because his own wife chose to say hurtful things to him, instead of doing her best to make him happy especially that he is out there. I hope he knows how terribly sorry I am for what I did and I will never ever do such thing again. It just wasn't fair!!

The ticking sound of the clock is making this wait arduous. I can't even think of myself falling asleep in that comfortable bed knowing that my own husband is out there right now doing 'something' I wish I never knew about. All I can do right now is pray. I'm just so thankful that God doesn't get tired of hearing out our constant cries, because I always cry to Him countless times a day. I know that He is watching over them right now. Though I still am scared, I couldn't do anything more but pray for them.

I will be here, waiting...

D's got a new e-mail ad

I was so happy when I woke up this morning and found an e-mail in my inbox from my husband. It's his first e-mail using his new e-mail ad since he'll be staying off the ship for 3 whole weeks. He wasn't really happy about the e-mail ad because they misspelled his name. He told me he's going to ask them today to have it changed. Good thing, though that for some reason, I didn't send, yet the e-mail I made to my mother-in-law last night. I was going to give her his e-mail ad as he can't hop online on the computer like how he used to when he was still on the ship. I just got the feeling that I should wait at least one e-mail from him before I actually give mom the one he's using right now. Good instinct!! ;)

I already replied to his e-mail and I'm just waiting to hear back from him, though I'm kind of sure he won't be able to reply me until probably later on tonight my time. That will be fine with me, at least I know now that he is all right out there. He kept his promise that he will e-mail me to let me know he got there safely and that everything is fine. I just can't thank God enough for watching over them all the time and I believe He will continue to keep them safe till their work is done.

Off to I-Don't-Know-Where

My husband and his team are leaving today to do a 3-week operation in I-don't-know-where!! I want so bad to know where they're taking them, but that would be against the rule. Haay, sometimes that would make me ask myself, "Does that mean they really don't trust the wives that much?" At times, I understand it. But there had been those times when I just can't seem to apprehend why I can't know where he's going. It's not like I'm going to tell the whole world about it [especially the 'bad guys']. I guess that's just how it works in the military and it's never really going to be easy to grasp something you know that has more chances of taking your love ones away from you than having them back.

He told me something last night that made me break into tears. I did my hardest to conceal my feelings, but what he said just totally, completely crashed me inside. In between of his trying to say words of comfort and assurance that everything will be all right, I remember saying nothing else but, "Please, Mahal come home!"

Is every military wife prepared for something like that? And those who have lost their loved ones in those battlefields for our freedom, were they prepared for something that would change their lives forever? As much as I want to clear my mind about that thing, I can't help it. Especially that I know about what they came there for and the kind of job that my husband does. Who will ever find it easy to take the fact in that once they go out into those 'remotely dangerous' area, they may not make it out alive anymore? I recall my grandma telling me, "Soldiers are meant to die for a cause. Their lives are not theirs to have control over with. They are bound to serve their Land at the cost of their own lives." Every time her words cross my mind, I die inside. But I have to stay strong. I have to be that tough wife he wants me to be. It's never going to be easy, but I will deal with it with all the best I can.

Today is for them! When I go to church, they will be the ones I'll be praying for for the rest of the service. I don't know how I'd begin my prayer without me bursting into tears, but I definitely will be praying for them. Three weeks is long!! We often say that time flies so fast, but in cases like this, I don't know why it feels the other way around. An hour feels like an eternity, how much more a whole day - then 3 weeks? A lot of things can happen in just a very short period of time, and these things are the ones that will change our lives forever.

Let us pray for our troops. They are out there willing to give their all for us. A short, sincere prayer for them won't take much of your time. Your TVs can wait. Your computers won't go anywhere if you leave them for a while. It won't hurt you if you put down your video games for a minute of silence for our soldiers. They are crying and hurting inside because they are far away from their love ones and they know they may not see them again, but they are putting you first before them. You are walking on this earth a free person right now because there's a lot of great men out there willing to take a bullet for you. Is it too much to ask from you to show your support through prayers?! Have you even thanked a soldier before in your entire life?! You just don't know how much it gives them strength, happiness, and how it keeps them going when they know we are thankful for what they are willing to do for us - that they are remembered and appreciated. That's all they ask out of us.

They deserve more, but they are not asking too much. Are you that busy to at least show them that you care?

It Only Takes a Phone Call

Whenever my husband tells me they'll be leaving the ship to do some mission, I rely on his phone calls to let me know they're all right since there's no way he can send me an e-mail to inform me of their status. And when he says he would call and never got to do it, I would start to feel uneasy and think of crazy stuff.

Tonight, he finally called me.He even let me know where he is at right now and where he's been prior to that. What a relief that was!! It always takes just a phone call from him for me to totally sweep off the I-am-worried-he-hasn't-called-yet look on my face. I feel so relieved now knowing they made it there safely and I just can't thank God enough for keeping them safe. My husband is in the Middle East now, but I can't say where he is exactly at. I'm also happy to know that he bought a new cellphone and he'll be using it the whole time he is there, because that means I can send him messages anytime! I no longer have to worry about trying to get a hold of him, though I don't think I can call him just like that. I still don't know if that would be all right. I mean, I don't want to be sort of a 'bother' if in case he's in the middle of doing something. I'll have to ask him about that and see if there's any chance I could call him or what will be the suitable time for me to do so.

While we were talking, he told me he's at a souvenir shop and was trying to look at nice stuff he could buy to take with him back home. He asked me if I wanted him to get something for me, but knowing what I will answer him every time he'd ask me the same question, he instead gave me choices of things I might like and asked me to pick one. He said he found some wine set, candle set, and tea set. With no second thoughts, I picked the latter one. I remembering seeing tea sets from Arab restaurants and I fell in love with them. I love just how they're uniquely and beautifully crafted - I would love to have one of those at our home. He even joked if I wanted some clothing from there, too. I was like, "The hijab thing? I'm too way over it." He just chortled. No offense, my husband calls the Arab women's attire, "Ninja Wrap" because all you can see are their eyes. It's just purely a joke and I know he doesn't mean any harm. He has nothing against them.

Anyway, aside from that, I got a mail today from the Department of The Navy - it was a Family Newsletter [the husband sent me ;)]. It basically contains updates on their deployment and what they've accomplished so far. I like to read that because every time I do, I always feel like I was on there with them and just the fact that I have ideas of what they did on board the ship, gives me the feeling of remarkable happiness. It's the simple things that always bring smile to my face.