Another Deployment!!

When my husband first told me over the phone that there's a possibility that he might get deployed again this coming March, for I don't know how long, my heart stopped beating. I went completely silent then burst out crying. I was in Samar at the time. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was like, he just got back and they're sending him away again? I thought it just wasn't fair. I felt so devastated and that all our plans would end up crashing on me any moment. We already made plans for this year and we both are so looking forward to making each of them happen. But with this impending deployment news, I admit, I almost gave it all up. I was worried I might not get through this one since I'd just gone through our first deployment and it wasn't easy. Although he didn't confirm yet if he'll be sent or not, another deployment?! -- I don't think so.

That was my first reaction and how I handled the situation. I know I was totally wrong. I think nobody would have expected me to react the other way around.

That night before I went to bed, I sat and prayed to God. I asked for guidance and help to get us through this, especially my husband. That if this is His will, let it be done. We both know God won't allow something to happen if it isn't for our own good. If they ever send him to go on deployment, I prayed that God would sustain me more strength, not just for myself alone but for the both of us. This will be tough once again, but after I prayed, I felt a different kind of comfort engulfing me. I knew then that it was Him letting me know that He's got everything taken care of and that I don't have anything to worry about.

Today, my husband confirmed that it's definitely a "go". In March, he'll be deploying again - for the second time within a year. I can't be specific as to where he'll be stationed at, but he assured me that this deployment isn't going to be like the first one; that he'll be doing a completely different kind of job this time. I didn't say much. I just said OK. But deep inside me, I was praying that he was telling me the truth. That he didn't just say what he did just so I won't have to get too worried about him while he is out there. I was half crossing my fingers that moment he was talking on the phone about this matter. I could only hope and pray. The past deployment hasn't been easy for the both of us, especially for me because it was my very first one. I know I should be a lot stronger now because somehow I already have an experience as how to handle or survive a deployment. But it didn't work that way for me - at least not right away. I just couldn't take in that my husband would be leaving again when he just barely got back. I can only imagine the hassles he's about to deal with again making sure everything is taken care of - from his dogs down to all the things he just started getting out of the storage. Good thing somehow is that he's staying right now at his friend's house. He doesn't have a lot of things to pack compared to last year. He had to move all his things out of his apartment to the storage basically doing almost all the work by himself. I feel sad that I am not there to help him in times like this :( I know how much he needs me. If only I am with him...

To be honest with you, I did cry today when I found out he really is going. A lot of emotions ensnared me. But the one that really made me cry a lot was the possibility that we might not be able to see each other before he leaves!! I don't think I'll ever take that. I mean, we hardly are together. All I want is to even spend a couple of days with my husband before he gets deployed. I don't think that's too much to ask and hope for. But I know things in the military don't always work that way. That's one bitter truth I have to start accepting now. It's too hard to tell you in all honesty!! But because I love my husband and what he does, I am willing to endure everything for him. I am just here for him no matter what. No matter how hard things turn out to be, I always want him to know that he's got a wife here who will always back him up and will always love him no less than how much I do now. I don't think I ever need to make promises to my husband when it comes to life in the military. For me, doing things for him especially when it comes to his job is more of a commitment I willingly and lovingly put myself into when I decided to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. It's such an honor to be a military wife! This is a tough, tough job. But to even think that I'd trade this for something else in this world - that is the very last thing I would do!!

Mahal, I know it disheartened you when I cried on the phone today. But still I want to thank you for giving me that time to let out my emotions. For understanding how I felt. You know I will always support you no matter what. I just felt sad that you have to leave again and even if we're not really together right now, every time I know you have to go, I always feel like you're getting farther away from me. I know you have to do this. Orders are orders. And you have my full support and all my love. I know everything will be fine :) I will do my best to stay strong for us. I am so proud of you, my sweet husband and I always will be!! I love you much more than I can even begin to tell you. You are my life, my world, my everything!! We're going to get through this :) God is always with us...

This will be hard, guaranteed. No deployment is ever easy, I guess. I think I will always dread times like this for as long as we are in the military. But I know, with my husband and God with us, I will get through this one just as I did with the first deployment. I will just keep myself busy around here. There are things for me to do ;)

We may have made plans for ourselves for this year, but God's plans are always way better. We may not understand fully everything at first or all throughout the way, but in the end, He'll let us see how things worked out for our own good - the reasons He let those things happen instead of the plans we had set for ourselves. Like what the quote that mom sent me says, "God's grace won't put you where His love won't support you", I know and believe that things will work out perfectly fine.