Shattered Hope

September 2 was the last time I heard my sister said my name and she wasn't mad at me .. yet. That was few hours before the incident that brought us to where we're at right now, happened. Till now, me and my sister haven't talked to each other. It's been what? More than 6 weeks? This is something really serious. In all my life, we've never been in a situation as worse as this one. And I don't get it. I mean, why now? After all we've been through as sisters, why would she let something so petty like this totally wreck us apart? I should be counting more on her because she's the big sister and I look up to her. What I really don't understand the most and what really hurts me so much is, the way she makes me feel as if it was all my fault - that I started it. We both know the fact that it was neither her or me who started this whole mess. It was her husband. I am not trying to pinpoint anybody nor put blame on one person. I am just saying who started this crap. He did, and now my sister hates me for something I am not aware of - for something I never did. If he wasn't stupid to kick a 3-year old and if he didn't try to hurt my sister, none of this would have happened.

I hate the way my sister has been acting lately. She acts like a kid. I had showed motives to her that I was ready for a reconciliation, but every time I did, she'd always shut me off. She's the one who's staying away from me.

I know my sister better than anyone else. She is not like who she has become right now. Everybody can tell. I am trying here not to say anything more as I don't want to drag somebody through the mud. It's just that, I've had enough. I want to finally put an end to this, but how am I suppose to do it alone? She hates me. And because of that, she is hurting me. She has never hurt me this much before. And what makes me feel really sad about this whole situation is, she hates me for something that they actually were the only ones involved in. I don't know what to think anymore or how far I can endure being in the same house and actually not talking to each other. You won't believe that sometimes, for one whole day, I don't get to see my sister and we've been at home the whole time. It's because they won't come downstairs if I am there. They'd only come out of their room when they know I'm already back inside my own room. We're basically living in an unhappy home right now and this is not healthy on both sides. She now is hurting me on purpose because she knows I have nobody here to literally defend me, while she has her dissembler husband to back her up.

But there is one thing I am certain that my sister can never hide away from me no matter how hard she tries to cover it up with all those fake laughter and happiness that she's trying to make us all believe in. I can see it in her eyes that she is unhappy. She may deny it, but I know her better. I have seen everything that she's been through and I was there during those times she almost gave it all up. And I actually feel sad about the fact that she is unhappy with her life right now. I want to reach out to her and talk to her just like before and see if there's anything I could do to help her out. I miss those times when she'd just barge in to my room, lay down on my bed and start telling me stuff about her. That, right there was my sister. Not the one that she is right now. She looks more like a stranger to me than my sister.

I have all my hopes shattered. I am completely helpless now. I don't know what else to do anymore. All she has in her heart for me is hatred. She has hate crawling through her system and I don't know how I can ever get rid of that. All I want is to have my sister back. I miss her so much!!

Right now, I am also counting down the days for something aside from my husband's arrival. It's my sister's husband's trip to the US. He is leaving on the 28th. And I'm happy he's going away. Maybe then, when he's gone, things will change around here. He's actually the one causing trouble and I just can't wait him out of our house!!