Counting Down the Days

It's been 97 days now since my husband, John left on a deployment. It's already that long I've been dealing with him having to be far away from me because of his job. And I miss him terribly!! Every night, every morning, I long to feel him next to me. I cry if it's already too much to bear, when I miss him so bad and it already hurts. It's not wrong to cry. It's not a sign of weakness, either. For me, I cry because of the emptiness and longing that I feel in my heart every time I want to hold him close to me but he's not around. I always long to hear his voice, but there's no way we can always talk on the phone as much as we want to. Not only that sometimes the phones are down, phone cards are quite expensive, too and we're only given so much time to talk. We survive on emails; dozens of emails a day. Though they will never fill in the sweet sound of my husband's voice and how much I love listening to it, those emails bring us closer to each other and let us know and feel the love that's keeping us strong and going at this time of our lives. It's really tough most of the time, but together, we're making it through one day after the other and after the other. I am so proud of what my husband does and for me, he is a real hero; all of them who are out there ready and willing to do their job for us. I am just saddened by the truth that we're spending more time away from each other than being together since we got married and because of that, we're missing a lot of stuff that we could have done together, days we could have spent with each other, and things that could have helped us get to know more about each other. But, nonetheless, I know we have a lifetime to do all that and that what matters more to me. I could care less about other things right now. What I constantly have in mind is, my husband and his safe return.

Being away from him crushes my heart every time. When he calls and he tells me he's not feeling well, my heart dies inside. I feel so sad that I couldn't even take care of him. I couldn't even hold him close and make him feel better. There's nothing I could do but comfort him with loving words and assurance that everything will soon be fine. More often than not, I am left still just because I feel so hurt inside and I couldn't utter a single word anymore. But there's one thing that I know I am helping him with - my prayers. He's always in my prayers and because of this distance, I cling to God through praying that He'll deliver them from harm and keep them safe till they're back in their respective families' arms. I know how powerful prayer is and it's the strongest source of strength I have right now when things get tough. And of course, my husband; his love, and the thought that we'll be back in each other's arms soon, keep me going in each and every passing day.

Wherever they may be at right now, may God be with them always.

Mahal, I love you with all of my heart and I miss you very, very much!! I can't wait for you to be home :)