Memory Lane: Our Malaysia Vacation

When my husband got deployed in 2008 for almost 7 months, we were blessed to be given the chance to see each other halfway through the deployment.  When he found out they were going to have a stopover in Malaysia for a couple of days, my husband immediately talked to me and asked me if I want to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see him even just for 3 days.  Of course, why would I say no?  I haven't seen him for almost four months that time, and we both missed each other, so I said yes.  I had school that week, so I had to write an excuse letter.  I left Sunday, so technically, I was only absent from my classes for two days.

Anyway, we talked about the trip through e-mails, and the next day, he bought me a round trip ticket.  He said, that was one of his birthday gifts for me.  And since I will be arriving at the hotel before him, he arranged a hotel transportation for me to get picked up from the airport.  When everything was ready, that Sunday, after attending church service, I went home to grab my stuff, and headed back out to go to the airport.  I believe, my flight didn't leave until past 7 at night.

At the airport, I started feeling anxious, excited, and nervous.  It was my first out-of-the-country trip, and I was all by myself.  I was worried that I might not be able to get into Malaysia because the immigration might not grant me VISA.  I was praying that everything will turn out just fine.  That all I wanted was to be with my husband.

Thanks be to God, everything went well.  When I arrived in Malaysia, the immigration officer only asked me one question, "How long do you intend to stay here?"  I answered, "Three days."  Then, she stamped my passport and told me I was good to go.  I let out a huge sigh of relief.  I felt bad, though, because the other lady I was with on the same flight, got held at the airport.  I asked her why before I had to tell her I needed to go because the car was waiting for me outside.  She told me, they thought they found something in her suitcase through the x-ray scanner.  But she assured me that there was nothing, so she'd be out there soon enough.  I said goodbye to her, and proceeded on my way out.  Good thing, the driver had a piece of paper with my complete name on it, that's why I was able to find him right away.  He was an Indian national, and he was very kind.  I remember his name still - Nabeel.

The drive from the airport to the hotel in Kuala Lumpur almost took 2 and a half hours.  So, by the time I got there, I was so dead tired.  I checked in, went to our room, and passed out.  The next thing I know, I was awaken by a phone call, asking for my identification, and if I was in the right room.  I kind of felt nervous because I didn't what was going on.  My husband wasn't there yet.  Then, the hotel receptionist said that they will send someone over to verify my information.  I got scared.  I wanted to cry, but I held back.  I knew in my heart I didn't do anything stupid for me to get in trouble.

When I heard the doorbell, I slowly walked my way to the door and looked to check who was outside, through the peephole.  To my surprise, nobody was there, so I slowly opened the door, leaving the safety lock, just in case.  I almost passed out when out of nowhere, my husband showed up!  It was him all along, playing prank on me.  He made the receptionist call our room just to see how I'd react.  Heavens, I almost wanted to kick his cute butt for doing such thing.   But, the minute he held me in his arms, I felt at peace.  I couldn't contain the happiness and love I felt at that very exact moment.  We held each other tightly, and he gave me kiss.

Just Beautiful: Huis Ten Bosch

This Dutch theme park, located to the northeast of Nagasaki City, is one of Nagasaki's most famous attractions, along with the Peace Park and Atomic Bomb Memorial Museum. More than a theme park with rides, etc., Huis Ten Bosch is a miniature Holland--in appearance at least. You have Caucasians dressed in traditional costume, old-world boat tours, entertainment shows galore, beautiful gardens with tulips, impressive architecture, shops and restaurants, hotels, and even a small residential district for the wealthy!

source: Huis Ten Bosch, Sasebo, Japan

This photo was taken in Sasebo, Japan during John's deployment in 2008. He sent me this through e-mail and was pretty amazed at how beautiful the place is. I actually told him that I want to go there someday. He said we will all go, God willing. I haven't seen a palace-like structure before and I would love to see one and actually be able to go inside and take a tour. Castles fascinate me ever since I was a kid because I loved to pretend I was a Princess. And I guess that hasn't completely went away because until now, I still feel the same way sometimes. [hehe]

So, there goes my first entry for Just Beautiful. See you next week!

For more of Just Beautiful entries, please go to:

We're Together Again!!

My J arrived here at 1430 on Sunday. It was a quick flight compared to the 13-hour long trip from LAX to Taipei and from there to Manila. We're together right now and we're staying at a hotel. I wasn't able to write anything about his homecoming because I made sure my time will be spent entirely for my husband. I am just so happy he is home now!! We'll be checking out tomorrow and will fly to Samar on Thursday. We'll be away for a couple of days but I will be taking lots of photos this time ;)

I won't be staying long. Still going out with the husband tonight ;) Hope you all had a nice day!! See you soon..God bless!!

Our Unforgettable Malaysia Trip

Again, my husband left me a surprise on our Multiply. When I hopped online to see if he's still on, an e-mail popped up and the only word I uttered was "Wow!!" when I finally got to take a look at what's inside the e-mail - a link to the photos taken during our trip to Malaysia on August 17-20, 2008.

It took this long before J was able to post our photos because he got so busy with work. I'm happy that he took the time today to do this. He knows it will surely put a smile on his wife's face ;) Mahal, thank you so much and I appreciate this a whole lot!! mwah mwah mwah I love you bunches and bunches, kiddo!!

Here's what he wrote on Multiply for the album description.

This was a miracle in the making as I was able to fly my wife out to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Even though it was short lived because of how the flight schedule was from the airlines it was the best time I think we have had yet. Being able to see my wife during deployment was the best thing I have experienced yet in my career. We were able to eat at Malaysia's only revolving restaurant and it was very romantic, well at least I hope it was for my wife ;) The experiences I have been able to have with her will carry on to our children when we have them. Mommy and Daddy have definitely went to some places and we have many more to journey to. Mwah mahal ko!!!

And here are our photos. They're not much, but each surely does hold remarkable memories that would last us a lifetime.

The beautiful Petronas Twin Towers at day time and nighttime
[view from The Federal Kuala Lumpur, Revolving Bintang Restaurant]


These were taken on our way to the Petronas. I think we walked a good 2 miles to get there!!

[John and the giant soda!!] & [KC at the Revolving Restaurant enjoying the moment with her husband]

That's us...Enjoying the great meal and romantic ambiance of the place...
Taken hours before I had to leave back to the Philippines...

J's right when he said "The experiences I have been able to have with her will carry on to our children when we have them." It's true, we capture photos using our cameras, but the real images and the memories behind them are forever kept and treasured in our hearts :)

Our trip to Malaysia was truly a miracle, a wonderful blessing that we will forever be grateful to God for. We didn't even have enough time to plan for it. J just suddenly asked me on August 8 if I would like to fly out to see him and get to spend time with each other during their port visit. I thought he was just joking at first, but later that afternoon, I went out to print a copy of my flight itinerary :) He even forwarded to my e-mail the copies of the hotel reservation and the hotel transfer voucher that I also printed out together with my itinerary. I knew then, he was really serious.

We almost didn't make it because of some card problems we encountered while J was trying to purchase my ticket. And at the airport, on the night of my departure, I almost ran out of money because I didn't know I had to pay for the Tourism Tax with an amount of P1,620.00 aside from the P750.00 at the Immigration. I had to convert my money [in USD] back to PhP just so I'd be able to make it through. At the time, I already had converted my money to USD for the hotel deposit. You can't imagine how nervous I was at that very moment when I looked into my wallet and found out I may ran out of cash. But God saw right through our hearts the desire and longing to see and be with each other even just for a short time and that we weren't giving up, so He made a way where there seemed to be no way!! All in all, I only had a total amount of P200.00 [$4] left in my pocket. I even only bought a cup of noodles and a bottle of water on the plane. But, everything was worth it :) I stayed up the whole flight, reading and listening music. I couldn't sleep. I was just too excited knowing that I was going to see my husband again and in a country we both had never been to before. In other words, it was both our first time in Malaysia!!

The whole flight to Kuala Lumpur only lasted 3 and a half hours. We left here at exactly 2100 and arrived there at 1210 - that's 20 minutes ahead of the actual time of arrival. After filling up the disbursement form, we then went to wait for our turn to be asked by the Immigration officer regarding our purpose of travel. I got asked by a lady and the only question she asked me was, "How long are you staying here?". I answered right away, "Three days." Then, she stamped my passport [I got 30 days on it] and off I went!!

When I went out of the airport, the hotel transfer was already outside waiting for me. I didn't have a hard time looking for him because he was right outside, in front of the exit way and was holding this sign with a big, black print that read "Mrs. K.A.C. The Federal Kuala Lumpur Hotel". I was greeted by his warm and kind smile, and although I was already starting to get really tired, that simple gesture of his brought me back to my senses and somehow made me smile as well. He took my suitcase and escorted me towards the waiting car. One thing I will never forget about that night - that was my first time being inside a right-sided car. They drive on the right side of the lane. I was a little bit intrigued as to how it would feel, so when the car started moving, I realized I also started liking it :) In fact, I enjoyed all the way to the hotel. I forgot about being tired and all that. All throughout the whole travel, I was wide awake. I didn't want to miss a thing. Though it was early in the morning and dark outside, I still got to admire all that were in front of me. I said to myself, "Finally, I am here. Oh, so this is Malaysia?! It looks so much like Philippines!" Honestly speaking, everything that I saw there reminded me of my own country. I didn't compare the two because I know each is unique and beautiful. There were just some things I wished we have here as well, at the time. They got really wide lanes there, not-so-heavy traffic, clean air and surroundings!! I admired how disciplined they are for keeping their places clean, air pollution-free. I loved the whole time we were walking outside. In fact, we even decided to just walk all the way to get to the Petronas Twin Towers instead of riding in a cab. It was hot, but still it felt great.

I talked to the driver the whole time. We introduced each other by name. His name's Nabeel, a Malaysian. But for me, he looks more of an Indian. He was so kind for answering all my questions. That was my way, too to at least break the ice and make the whole travel comfortable for both sides. We had a nice and sensible conversation that night that we almost didn't notice we were close to the hotel. My oh my, the whole trip from the airport to the hotel was close to one hour!! Yes, that's how far. There was no traffic and Nabeel was driving quite fast, yet it took us that long to get to our destination - The Federal Hotel in Bukit Bintang.

Anyways, after checking in, I went straight to our room. The moment I was inside the hotel, I suddenly felt so tired again - and at the same time, really sleepy. John was not supposed to arrive till later on that day, so I spent the whole time alone in the room. I wasn't able to fall asleep until, I think, 0330. The room was huge and I felt so alone and empty. All I had in mind the whole time was my husband. Oh, how I couldn't wait at the time for him to be there next to me!! I couldn't wait to see him, hug him, talk to him, and above all, I wanted him so bad, but I know I had to hold back all those emotions. He was on his way anyway. It required a lot of patience out of me, though convincing myself he'll soon be next to me. I was just so over excited to finally see my dearest husband again!!

J arrived at exactly 1330 later on that day. Not on the actual time he first told me he was coming. Supposed to be, he'll be at the hotel at 1000, but he said that the ship was an hour away from the city and he still had to take an hour-long bus ride and a cab to get to the hotel. Mind you, when I realized he wasn't coming yet, I cried. I was crying because I was wanting so bad to see him and I was ... hungry!! You read it right. I haven't had my breakfast and lunch. I wanted to wait for him. So, when he rang the doorbell, I ran to the door and opened it - and there he was!! I kind of acted as if I wasn't that happy to see him - the heck, I was!! I just felt so relieved that he was finally there with me that's why I was in my quiet mood as what he calls it. But the moment J pulled me close to him and hugged me, I gave in to all the feelings I had been holding back since the night before. When I heard him crying, I automatically cupped his face with my hands and wiped his tears away telling him it's all right, we're together now - and then ... we kissed :) We kissed so passionately, neither of us wanted to stop. I loved that moment. And I love how he smiles when we're kissing. I'm sure you already have an idea as to what happened next ;)

We stayed in our room till 1630. We went out for a little walk and looked at stuff and bought some items from stores/shops just near the hotel and we went down to the Delaney's Irish Pub to meet up with his buddies from work at 1700. I was a bit nervous but so excited that I was going to finally meet them in person :) They were all so nice and funny and I must say, I enjoyed my time with them.

After that, we left the group. J and I went to this Indian restaurant and had dinner there, then we went to the Salsa Havana just inside the hotel and played pool. We made a bet - loser will do whatever the winner says or asks ;) I LOST!! Well, yeah, tell me about it!! We went back to our room after finishing the game and to make the loser pay ;) We both went to sleep with a wide, wide smile on our lips...Aww!!

The following day, we went out to look at some more stuff, bought souvenirs, and had lunch at the Planet Hollywood. Then, we went to the Petronas. We didn't know it was that far, because from our hotel, it looked so close, so we decided to walk all the way there. We only found out that we actually walked 2 miles when we were in the cab on our way back. But we had fun, though. We got to see the Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre and really nice places along the way. We bought souvenirs from the Petronas Souvenir Shop. Later that evening, we had dinner at the Revolving Bintang Restaurant on the 18th floor of the hotel. It was a very romantic dinner - a memorable one for us. Everything was perfect that night, I didn't want it to end. But I had to leave back to the Philippines and J had to go back to the ship. We were still planning on going out that night after our dinner, but we decided to spend our remaining time in our room for more intimate moment together. At 2130 that night, J took me to the airport for my trip back home. It was his first time to experience having me flying out and leaving him behind. And on the phone the following day, he told me how it made him feel after I left and he went back to the hotel alone and I wasn't there anymore. Well, I told him, that's how I always feel every time he leaves back to the States. Now, we both know how it truly feels.

Leaving is hard, but sometimes it is even harder for the ones who are being left behind.

The whole trip was truly a blessing!! Everything could have remained dreams if God wasn't there to help us through. It was an experience that we'll truly remember for the rest of our days. We may haven't gotten a lot of time together, but God made sure we'd get the best out of our short vacation - beautiful memories that are worth-keeping for a lifetime.

That's how the whole trip went. Kind of long, isn't it?! I should have posted about this a long time ago, but I couldn't because there were no photos yet to go with the story. I hope I didn't bore you or anything. And thank you for your time reading :)

The Wifey is So Excited and Happy!!

I bet everyone here already knows how excited I am about his homecoming. Needless for me to say it, but sheesh, what can I do?! I just can't seem to stop saying that I am, again and again - I AM SO FRIGGIN' EXCITED!! ;) As a matter of fact, the closer it gets, the harder it is for me now to get enough sleep. Honestly speaking, since last week, I've been getting an average of 5 hours of sleep. I would fall in and out of sleep because I'm always thinking - thinking of him - of a lot of things, especially once he gets here. If he were to come tomorrow, I'd probably stay up tonight and just sleep whenever he's already next to me in bed the following day :) I won't mind staying in bed the whole time on the first day. Anyway, that's even part of our plan ;) [Aww..]

By the way, my husband surprised me tonight over the phone when he told me he's going to treat me out to a movie, and guess what movie we're going to watch? It's no other than High School Musical 3!! I was like, "are you serious?!" when he told me because it was something totally unexpected for me. I mean, knowing how my husband dislikes Zac Efron (because I've got this huge crush on him..hahaha), never did it occur to me that he'd want to take me to see this movie. He said, it's to prove that there's no hard feelings. Hahaha!! ;) It was supposed to be his surprise when he gets here knowing that I'd really be surprised if he were to do that, but when I mentioned that a friend of mine offered to treat me out to see a movie and I said yes and picked HS Musical 3, J had no choice but to let his little suprise leak. Aww, sorry Mahal!!

I didn't go out. I would love to watch the movie more with J and I'm so looking forward to it :) Yaay, what's he going to do if he sees and hears me screaming like hell once I get to see Zac Efron on the big screen?! Hmmm..I'm crossing my fingers.........

I'm also more than excited with the fact that this is my first time welcoming my soldier home from deployment. But, I am a bit saddened with the thought of me not knowing what to do to make that day special - something he'd be happy about when he finally arrives. I am thinking of some things but I just couldn't seem to produce a concrete plan as to what I'd prepare or surprise him with. To add to it, I don't even know yet what to give him as an anniversary present :( This is when I feel less of a wife!! These thoughts are really eating me up from inside. It's dispiriting me. I have no job, therefore, I have no earnings of my own. And no money means I can't buy anything for him. I depend on him right now for almost everything. If only I have a job like before, this would not be a problem.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to be resourceful :) Gifts don't have to be expensive, but you still have to spend regardless of the price, am I right?!

I'm really thinking what to do. Can anybody help me, please?! ;(

Getting Closer

The husband is now in a country that's just hours away from me ;) In fact, we now have the same time. It's where he'll be flying out from to get here very, very soon :)

I was awakened by a phone call this afternoon [I fell asleep reading ;)] and when I got up to answer the call and saw the number on the screen, I knew then that it was him and where he was calling me from. He told me that his days being on the ship finally had come to an end, though he is going back there tomorrow to get the rest of his stuff and to sign something regarding his leave. That's pretty much it and he'll be on his way home to me ;)

He told me he that bought a new suitcase because he didn't want to use his military duffel bag all the way here. Every time my husband travels here, he travels as a civilian and he does not show any gesture, anything that would make people suspect that he is in the military. He's so extra careful when it comes to that. Something I've already learned to grasp completely because as his wife, I am a part of it. I have my fair share in keeping this little secret as safe as possible whenever he's on travel as an ordinary citizen. I'd say it's kind of hard sometimes, especially when somebody ends up asking me what my husband does for a living and I couldn't give the right answer. It's just that, I am so proud of what he does and by hiding the truth, it makes me feel less of a Proud Military Wife that I keep saying I am. Although I can tell about his real job to close friends, there are still limitations which I completely understand. And even I, his own wife, don't know a lot about his job. My husband trusts me, but there are just some things that are meant to be kept from us. Not because they want to, but because they need to as part of their job :)

All right, so much for that...

I am just so happy that he is almost home now :) Just few more days and my soldier is finally in my arms again!!

My Soldier is Coming Home Very, Very Soon!!

I'm just so happy that in a couple of days, my husband will be home with me!! He was able to take his leave ahead of time and we're so thankful to God above for allowing this to happen. J worked so hard on having his leave request approved and God has rewarded all his efforts. I can't thank my husband enough for doing everything he did just to be with me and for us to be able to celebrate our first wedding anniversary together. Although he didn't get to have a longer time with me, at least we were given more than what he had when he came here in April-May before he left for deployment. This is such a wonderful blessing that won't be possible if God hasn't been always there for us :)

We still haven't decided where we should spend our anniversary, but we did agree that we'll talk about it when he gets here. At least, I got our plane tickets for Samar taken care of ;) I've got a story to tell about that one. I mean, what I had been through just to make sure I got us our plane tickets. I'd say, it was a test for me as to see how determined I was to get it done. And I'm thankful I beat that one. God made sure I won't give up just like that - without me fighting and doing my best to get what I needed.

Gracious, I'm so excited!! It's sometimes hard for me now to sleep at night knowing that in a couple of days, I'd be sleeping again next to the man I love the most and just the thought that I'll be waking up with him laying next to me, just gives me this joy I can never put into words. I can't wait to finally hold my soldier in my arms and just be held in his for as long as we want to. And above all, I am just happy and thankful to our Almighty Father that he's coming home safe and sound :)

I'm happy for those who will get to see their love ones, too very, very soon. They're all on their way home :) God has been so good for keeping them all safe and for guiding them while they were out there doing what they needed to do. He has never left their sides nor allowed anything bad to happen to each of them. I know not all will get to go home just yet, but I'm sure God will stay with them until they're able to. And to those who lost their loved ones out there, my prayers are with you. I know God will send them to continue looking after you, making sure you're all fine and doing well. They didn't leave us with nothing. They left us with something we'll always be grateful for and proud of - we are living a free life because of them who are willing to sacrifice their own lives for us. We will always be so proud of each of our heroes and they will always be remembered!! Thank you for fighting still for our freedom!! We can never repay you just as much, but our prayers are with you always.

A countless thank you very, very much to all soldiers out there - from a Proud Soldier's Wife :)

Weekend Photos: Deployment is Nearly Over

These are photos of J taken before they left the area and after they successfully did their missions. He's so ready to be back home!

(I actually don't know what kind of camera they used in taking the first photo)

Over the phone, he told me that they did a lot of fun things during their last 3 and a half days of stay there after they got back from doing missions. He was able to go and buy more stuff he needed and for the family of course. And the most fun things they got to do were; they went to a camel farm where he got a chance to feed a baby camel. He said he's got photos but will show me when he comes home. They went to the actual location of the bridge that connects Saudia and the place they were at and he said the experience was so amazing. They also went snorkeling and I kind of teased him for that. I said to him, you'll go snorkeling where? In the desert sand? [hehehe]

I'm so happy for my husband that his job gives him the opportunity and chance to experience these things that most people can only dream about. At his age, he's been to many countries, seen many places, and has seen a lot about life in different angles, in different views and aspects. That is probably why my husband thinks and say things the way he does and I am so proud of what he knows, what he understands, and his eagerness and willingness to learn more about things in general. And above all, he has been to those places I've long been dreaming to visit since I was a kid and I'm so happy that at least for now, one of us actually has been there and has stories to share to the other. Maybe, in God's own good time, we could travel back there together and have the time of our life!! For now, I am pretty content just seeing them through photos that he sends me. Knowing he's in every photo makes me feel I was there, too the whole time, especially how well he tells the whole story :) I'm so looking forward to listening to the rest of the story about his whole deployment when he comes home. And it's going to be very, very soon :)

Zwajy jay aLa aLbat fi esbw3aeen ;)

I feel more than just ecstatic that my husband will be coming home in a couple of weeks. We finally got his itinerary and as a matter of fact, he printed out a copy right after he received it. What a week it was for the both of us because it took five days before the agency was able to really forward the copy to my e-mail. Now, everything is good to go :) We're both counting down the days and wishing we can just fast forward the time and then make it stop from ticking once he gets here so he doesn't have to leave right away. Hay, I really can't wait!!

What bugs me sometimes is the funny truth that, the more I think about it, the more the wait seems longer. And the closer it gets, the more anxious I become.

On the other hand, I am pretty excited of his homecoming!! This is going to be my first time experience as a military wife welcoming a husband home who has been gone on a 6-month deployment. I'm so full of mixed emotions right now and I still haven't decided on what to do or what to give him on the day of his arrival. When he came here in April and I picked him up at the airport for the first time as my husband, I bought a bouquet of flowers (his favorite color) for him. This time, I want it to be something different. Not only that I'll be welcoming the love of my life home, I also will be welcoming a Soldier, a Hero, and he deserves something extra special. Now, the problem is, I'm left so clueless on what to do. I already came up with one, but I'm hoping I could do more for him. I know it doesn't have to be that all mushy and everything, I just want to make him feel that I'm joyful and grateful to God to have him back, very much loved, and that his wife is very, very proud of him :)

So, that's it. Countdown is almost over. It really is goodbye deployment and hello homecoming :)

At last, we got the itinerary!!

Earlier, I ranted about an agency who took so long to forward the itinerary of my husband's plane ticket to my e-mail. It was all because they didn't know that the staff from their main office who, actually was supposed to be the one to forward it to me, forgot to do so. They told me that he said he would send it and in fact already did, but turned out to be the other way around. Or he might have but to the wrong e-mail. I'm not sure about that excuse. How could he not know where to send it exactly when he already saw an e-mail from me that I sent them on Monday? It's something I find hard to believe in.

Anyways, I went to their office where I purchased the ticket from and told them that I still haven't received anything from them. They were kind of surprised to know the truth because all along, they've been thinking that the other staff has already forwarded the itinerary. Well, he didn't. And up to that very moment I went there, he still hasn't done what he was supposed to do. They had to call him twice to verify. Good thing, though is they helped me while I was there and made sure I got what I came there for before having to leave the place. They even let me use their computer to log on to my Yahoo account to check on the itinerary if whether it has been sent or not. We waited and in between waiting, they'd call the staff from the main office to confirm if he already happened to send the copy to my e-mail. We waited for a good 15 minutes before I actually got it and you can't imagine how relieved I felt at that very moment. I then now have my husband's itinerary!!

They did apologize, but this time, when I said it was all right, I meant it. It wasn't their fault and they did their part as they had to. It was the other staff's mistake and they're not to be blamed for something they never did. I got completely upset and let its toll get into me without finding out first what actually had happened. It was the wrong part on my side. But, not trying to defend myself or anything, I think nobody can blame me for how I reacted to the situation because I was made to wait that long when I need not to in the first place. Anyway, that's past now and I've learned my lesson. I hope they, too learned something from that incident so no other costumers get to experience the same thing I did. I'm happy now and thankful to God that on that same day (Thursday), I was able to forward the itinerary to my husband and he printed out a copy right away :) Not too obvious that he's excited, too. [Hehehe] He keeps telling me for I don't know how many times a day, that he can't wait to come home and be with me and actually wake up in the morning having me beside him to wake up to, and I feel exactly the same way he does. [winks*] He probably doesn't know how excited I feel as well that I will get to see him and hold him again in my arms :)

Uh-oh, My Bad!!

Last night, I got a bit upset right away when I saw my husband's Yahoo messenger popped online and he never messaged me!! He got disconnected at first so I thought maybe it was just the connection or something. Then, after a few seconds, he hopped online again and still it looked to me as if he ignored me though he didn't stay long because he then signed out in less than a minute.

I repelled that thought because I was avoiding to think of things against him. It wouldn't be fair, especially that he's not around to tell his side of the story. But out of my stubbornness, I got upset with him thinking he didn't even leave me with a single word to at least let me know he saw me online - that I was there. That was how I felt at the time until ...

Before I went to bed, I decided to check stuff online one last time. I had no plan on staying up late, so I said to myself, I'd check my blog only and that would be all for the night. But as I was browsing the internet, I thought I heard a tiny whisper at the back of my ear telling me to - check our Multiply account!! I was a bit indecisive if I should go on and check or not because I already was starting to feel really tired. Not to mention that sometimes, I can't open Multiply without me encountering the "Problem Loading Page" most of the time. But still, I gave it a shot. I said to myself, all right one minute - not a minute and a half, just one. The moment the page loaded up completely, the very first thing that got my attention was a post entitled, "Hello my darling wife!!!" and dated 3rd of October - that was last night and my husband wrote it!! He did come online but he got reasons I'm sure, that's why he couldn't stay longer. He just stayed long enough to leave me with this message:

Well mahal another surprise for you. I took a trip to one of the oil platforms and guess what they had internet out here so I thought I would send you another surprise message on here. I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and your D is almost there. I can wait to spend our first year anniversary together mahal. You mean so much to me and I can't thank God enough for blessing me with you. You have completed my heart and me baby ko, thank you. I need to get off of here mahal ko but you remember how much I love you and that you are my everything and my world. I can't wait to hold you in my arms sweetpea!!! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah!!!!!!

After reading what he wrote, I felt so ashamed of myself right then and there. I wanted to berate myself for jumping into conclusions and for almost making up my mind that I wasn't going to talk to him until he called me and explained himself why he did that - ignoring me on YM. I felt so bad for thinking that way about my husband. Here I was, feeling upset about something that didn't happen, while he was out there doing his job and actually was thinking about me the whole time. He just let me know that when, during that free time that he could have just spent for himself relaxing and getting a quick rest, he chose to hop online to at least surprise me with something he knew would make me smile. For minutes, I was out of words. I was wrong and I admit my faults!! DiDi never fails to show me how much he loves me even through the smallest and simplest ways he knows. If not, then what do you think he did that for? :)

Request Denied

Odd as it may sound, but today I never felt like checking my e-mails. For the first time in the history of my life, I never wanted to read any e-mail from everybody, especially those from my husband.

When I woke up this morning, I knew right away that today was going to be a bad day for me. I had that feeling and I was right about it. I did my best to ignore the clamor of different thoughts tarrying inside my head, but I got discomfited. Slowly, it pulled me down till I broke to my knees and had no more strength to lift myself back up.

Fighting the urge to read e-mails, I still somehow managed to open and read one. And just as I expected it would be, it wasn't the kind of e-mail I was so looking forward to reading on a day as lousy as what I already was experiencing. At the last thought, I still wished I never gave in to that diminutive voice telling me awhile ago to do so. No more turning back the time now. I am here, crying and wishing I never read that e-mail. I wouldn't be feeling this way right now if I haven't done what I did. No, I shouldn't be feeling this way...

My husband said in his e-mail that now, it looks like they're not only going to not approve his 30-day leave request, they're even deducting seven [7] days from the hopefully twenty eight days that we thought they'll grant him. So now, it is more likely that he'll only be getting twenty one days of leave from the first 30 that he'd been working his best on.

I don't know what else to say. I don't even know how long I can last on dealing with this right now with a lot of other stuff troubling me at the same time and not having anybody with me here to turn to. I feel like I am so alone in this battle and I have nothing, nobody but myself to fight it with. I feel like I'm watching all of what I've been planning on doing when he gets here, fall right in front of me and as much as I want to do something to impede it from completely crashing down, I am left so helpless. I want him so much to stay longer. He's always been away from me. Don't I deserve to have him with me even just for a month? I'm not even sure now if we will get to celebrate our first wedding anniversary together if that would be the case. And my once colorful plans on what we will be doing together when he gets here are slowly turning to gray. The heck, I no longer even know what to reply to my husband's e-mail. I don't know what to say to him or how I'd convey my feelings and thoughts about this matter. I am clueless. All I know right now is, I'm so over this one. They can do whatever they want with that leave request. They fight and risk their lives, enduring times they need to be away from their love ones because they have important jobs to do, but still they can't spend as much time as they want to be with their families? If that's not the term for that, then what is it? If I am wrong about this, then I'd be more glad to be enlightened with the truth. Because the way I am seeing this from my end is that, it doesn't look fair, not at all.

I can only hope that some things don't have to work that way.

Twenty Eight Days is All He Gets

Well, looks like my husband won't get to spend time with me as planned. He's been working really hard in the past few days on getting a 30-day leave request approved, and today he just dropped the bomb. Twenty-eight days of leave - that's all he'd probably be getting. He mentioned in his e-mail that he has a total of sixty available days of leave, but because I think, he's also planning on spending Christmas with mom in Oklahoma this coming December, maybe that's why they didn't approve him taking a leave of thirty [30] days. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining here or anything. I just don't understand why they won't add two more days to make it thirty [30] instead. What is two days? What difference would it make if they give it to him so he can have at least a whole month of vacation? This thing just gave me the queerest feeling and I am not happy about it - not at all.

Prayers are still there that God would help us find a way. Right now, for me at least, it seems like there's no other way out than that very door in the end of this dark hallway which leads to a trodden path I never want to set my foot on in the first place. Of course, I am grateful to God that we will be spending almost a month-long of time with each other. Being in the military, this is really something I consider as a big blessing because not everybody gets to spend more time with their love ones during R and R, and I'm thankful that my husband has been allowed to stay for close to a month. It's just that, those two days mean a lot and we could use those days to do more stuff together. We are not together most of the time, that is why time is of import to the both of us that even a single minute is too precious to waste. Though I was a bit dubious right from the very beginning about this matter, I still didn't lose hope that he will get his request for a 30-day leave, approved. But I think I have to just veer away from that thought now. D told me he'll be submitting the request sheet to his Chiefs today. I was like, so I think that's it - twenty eight days - not bad, though isn't it?! But still I must admit, that made me feel so bereft of time and I believe we deserve to be with each other longer than that.

Praying and Hoping

Wanting so bad to able to spend our first anniversary together, my husband is doing the best he can right now so he can at least have a 30-day leave. That has always been the plan, but it looks like things are against us at this time. He told me there's a possibility that they might not let him do that. I mean, come on now!! They have them for six whole months, what is thirty days days off? No offense, but I just don't get it - I don't understand some things sometimes. That made me sad, to tell you the truth and I just don't know what else to think and expect as of the moment. Everything is a blur!

He's really persistent in making it possible and I hope it will pay off in the end. I can only pray and hope that at least they'll reconsider. All we want is to at least spend more time with each other. Since we got married, believe it or not, we've only spent like less than two months together. (Add the 2 weeks he spent here last year during his first trip, the 3 weeks vacation he had in April-May, and the 3-day trip we had in Malaysia during their last port visit), and in November, we'll be turning 1 year. So basically, in all those 12 months of the year, we've only been together for not even exactly two months and they were even far in between! My gulay, I really am praying to God for things to work out fine. I am letting go of this matter as it's already out of our control now. Whatever is His plan or will, let it be done :)

Three Liberty Days

My husband was able to spend three days off the ship this week, from Friday till today (Sunday). He just, in fact, got back on the ship tonight [afternoon their time] to go to that area again. I had that same feelings again, every time he's about to leave - worrying, wanting to hold him back and not let him go just yet, wishing I could hold him, hug him and kiss him, and all that. I'm sure that we had the same feelings at that very moment, I heard it in his voice. We were talking still on the phone even up to the last minute before they boarded the helo, and like before and always, I never wanted to let go. If only it was possible for us to still continue talking over the phone even while they're already up on air. The only thing that made it less harder this time is, God willing, this week is going to be their last week out there and they'd be sent back to the ship where they actually are from.

I may not be there with him physically to see him take off along with the other soldiers, but I know the pain when seeing your most-loved person leaves is just as intense as being actually there to witness it personally. I think, it's even harder not being able to be there to even give my husband hugs and kisses and just be able to tell him in person how much I love him and that I'll be waiting for his return. It may be hard to see them disappear right before our very eyes, but it gives them the assurance and comfort that they have someone - who loves them with all of their heart - they will look forward to coming home to.

I never thought they'd give them liberty time - not exactly like day-off or something but a sort of time off the ship - so I was surprised when I suddenly received a phone call from him on Friday evening. He just told me in his letter that I shouldn't send him e-mails to his e-mail ad on the ship because something came up and they might be moved to a different area. I had no idea they'd be sent back to that place. I'm thankful to God that at least, for three days, they were given time for themselves to relax somehow and we were able to talk to each other over the phone. He'd call me for like five to six times a day and still would send me text messages right after every conversation just to tell me (again) how much he loves and misses me, and I got to see him on webcam!! Not too long, though because of the slow connection. It froze up on us just even before I had the chance to really relish myself watching him. Oh, how I missed him so much and how I always miss him every single moment ;(

We also got to buy together something for our grandparents in Samar - obviously, not together physically - over the phone. He called me and we discoursed about what stuff to buy for them and he'd tell me if he has seen one and asked me if that thing would do or not. It wasn't hard for him to find something for grandma - something we both agreed on buying for her, but it got a little bit harder on what to get for grandpa. Whew!! Why is it just so hard sometimes to find desirable presents for men/guys/baby boys? Honestly, I am not so good in doing that. It has always been a lot easier for me to look and buy presents for girls than for boys. It's the thought, I think, that I don't want to buy something they'd end up not liking and I bought it just because I thought it'd look cute or good on them, that makes it harder for me to decide on which is which. And sometimes, it's when you see a lot of beautiful things and you couldn't pick the right one up. You're just left there standing, staring at everything that's surrounding you not even having a miniature clue on what you want to buy - because in the back of your head, if you can just afford, you'd buy them all in a heartbeat. I'm not sure what my husband ended up getting for him. I already gave up when the both of us could no longer think of what to buy for grandpa. All he said to me was, he'll still would go and look around for stuff and hopefully find something suitable for him. I don't know if he did find one, but I hope he did and it didn't take him time to do that. We just wanted to give something to the both of them [grandpa and grandma] that will always remind them of us and how much we truly and dearly love them. Something that is kind of rare to find. Well, rare that is if you don't actually go on purpose to that particular place that sells them or has them. I'm thinking of labeling those gifts with - From the Deserts with Love - as that's where D got them from, then our names just underneath it. We both know it's not how expensive the present is or how appealing it looks; it's the love, the thoughts that count the most.

D also surprised me when he - out of my knowledge - posted pictures they took in that place, on our Multiply site. He entitled the album - For My Wife - and wrote something, too. I couldn't help but adore him more while looking at the photos. How I wanted to give him hugs and kisses so badly right then and there!! If I were to do something at that very moment, I would stand next to him with great pride, so much pride while shouting at the same time to the rest of the world, "This is my husband. He is a great soldier and I am so proud of him!!"

(my husband)

(with his buddy, Danny)

Showing His Love through Written Words

This came in an e-mail today. Actually, he already sent me a copy of this yesterday but I wasn't able to open the file because it wasn't compatible with any program I have in my computer. So, he had it changed and resent today. I just want to share what my husband wrote for me. Though, I already edited some part [I took off personal matters..hehehe] the whole thought of his letter is still intact. It got me crying right after I read it - as his every letter always does every time I go over and read each of them once more. My heart is overflowing with joy and so much love for him right now. If only we're together right now, I would have ran to him and hugged him so tight and just stay that way for a while. The smallest gestures help you say a lot when you're already out of words because of overwhelming emotions.

For my darling wife,

I wanted to write you something on my laptop so that I had more time to write to you. I have been counting down the days mahal and even as slow as some of them have been going, the thought of knowing that they are counting down makes me feel so good inside. I know things have definitely been tough on us during these times. It was your first deployment as a wife and mine with the team. I have definitely seen some great and also some tragic things my wife. Your letters and words of encouragement though have helped me tough these days out and always bring a smile to my face. Knowing that you love me like you do mahal is the greatest thing in the world. I can’t thank you enough for the love you give me and the strength you bring out of me. Without you Kirsti there would be no me. I can’t ever imagine living a life where you are not in it. To ever go back to that life I would much rather not exist in this world. You make me so happy mahal and it is that happiness and love that coarse through my veins letting me know that I am alive. I have never in my life felt so alive and so in love. I really thought I knew what love was before but I had no idea. I replay so many thoughts in my mind sweetpea that I feel like I am running a movie marathon about us in my head!! To think sometimes that you doubt yourself as a wife and a woman are hard to believe. Yet that is why we have our husbands and wives. In those times when we feel like we are nothing in this world, that we can’t be loved, our beloved ensures that we are everything to them. That they are the world that revolves around them providing light where there was once darkness. They love us unconditionally, through all our habits, our simplistic rituals, our love of tomato, peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches, they love us.

It is me mahal and you that share our love with one another. Loving each other more day by day, year by year. It will be our first anniversary together, the happiest day of my life. The day that I married my best friend, my soul mate, my wife K.A.C.. That day was the first of many victories and battles that we face in front of us mahal. I will always stand beside you my love. No matter the fight I will be there to be your shield and your spear if you should so need it. No matter the cost I would gladly give my life in defense of yours. As your husband I promised you that we will build a home of love and respect. Our children will be given all the love that they will ever need in this world. I love you so much sweetie that I just can’t wait to embrace you in my arms again and give you such a great big kiss. I miss you so much and everyday I grow closer to holding you. Being able to see you in Malaysia was the greatest thing that has happened on this, and actually any deployment in my career. I am so grateful that things worked out and I was able to see my wife. It is great how God can work things out mahal and He has been doing that since day one with you and I. I know that we didn’t meet by a weird occurrence mahal, we met because it was our fate that was laid before us by God. He gave us the first big step and now it is up to us to continue the walk, hand in hand my baby.

I love you with all my heart and I will always love you, T. I will always be there for you and don’t ever think that you never have someone to turn to. I LOVE YOU MY DARLING WIFE!

Your Husband Forever through Eternity,
J.D.C.

♥♡For my husband, John♡♥

Mahal, I always love the way you convey your thoughts and feelings through writing - you have no idea!! I will never get tired reading what you've written and I will always be your number one avid reader ;) I love you so much more than I could even begin to express and tell right now. You are my world, my life - my everything - now and for always.

The Husband called His Wife

You read it right. He called me awhile ago and I was so ecstatic!!I haven't heard his voice for more than a week and tonight, we finally got to talk to each other over the phone - thank God. But before that, I had received two international missed calls - they wouldn't have been just missed calls if I was around my phone to answer those calls - and all the while, I thought those were from my mother. I forgot to bring my phone with me downstairs that's why I didn't hear it rang twice.

The line wasn't that clear, just enough for us to understand each other. His voice sounded much farther that there were times I barely understood what he was saying. Good thing, the husband is always patient to repeat something that the wife have missed him telling her about ;) We got to talk for twenty-one [21] minutes and fourteen [14] seconds. Not bad at all, is it? Aside from the fact that phonecards cost a fortune, he couldn't stay long because for sure there were a lot of soldiers behind him patiently waiting in line for their turn to make those short phone calls to their love ones, too. There's no specific date as to when he will give me a call and when is the next after that. This thing really requires a lot of patience, and I'm thankful to God that He is ever helping me deal with this wisely. I don't know what I'd do without Him to constantly guide me and strengthen me.

My husband has asked me to check for airline fare for his flight coming here. He has no internet connection there that could access to websites like this. And that also means one thing - I'll be buying his plane ticket for the first time!! [Good luck] I have tried to open China Airlines but it wouldn't let me through. I wasn't able to open the site. It's the same problem I encountered that day we were looking for my ticket to go to Malaysia. Sometimes, I can open the site. But most of the time, it appears blank, just like what happened awhile ago. I guess I'll just have to try again tomorrow. He gave me two different possible dates of his arrival. The first one [Plan A] isn't for sure, yet. He told me it will depend on their approval if they'll let him fly out from a foreign country to get here to the Philippines. And the second date [Plan B] is actually just in case Plan A won't work out. I'm praying that they'll let him come here on the first date we've talked about, because if not, we'll then have to wait for another two weeks before he can actually leave the ship and fly out here. I don't see anything wrong with those plans. It's just that, this countdown is killing me!! And what I dislike most about it is, the nearer the date approaches, the longer the wait seems to be - that to wait for a day to pass by is worse than forever. I guess all I wanted to say is - I just want him [them] home!!

A Single Photo = IMMENSURABLE HAPPINESS!

My husband sent me a photo yesterday that he asked from one of his buddies to take specially for me ;) Ooh, how sweet!! Yes, that single picture made my day and I must say, I couldn't even express how happy I was when I finally saw my husband's face. Too bad, he's wearing sunglasses. I didn't see his eyes. I love his beautiful pair of blue eyes and just how they look at me makes me go weak on the knees. This photo just made me miss him even more. And the more I look at it, the more I want to fast forward the time so he can finally come home. [Haaay, just few more weeks to go, Mrs. KC - just hang in there!! ;)]

He said in his e-mail that he lost weight and that his top looks too big for him - I didn't even notice that till he told me himself. And still, I don't think he lost weight. That top is just too big for him :) He even looks so much better from the last time I saw him in Malaysia. My husband looks younger and even more handsome. Yeey!! Just can't help but compliment him for his sensational new looks ;) Aww!! My oh my, can't wait to mess up with his hair, that's for sure. I love the feeling when I slowly run my fingers through his soft, brown hair. I love smelling it. His smell stays fragrant even if he's already been sweating the whole day. I can honestly fall asleep to the smell of the shirt he wore the entire day. Did that gross you out? I don't think so ;) I think he'll always look cute and smell nice at the every end of the day no matter how bad he's been sweating. There's just something in it that makes it so appealing to my sense of smell. (Hahaha) Okay, okay at least for me, it is.

One more thing I saw in that photo - his wedding ring around the strap of his watch ;) Since he can't wear his ring while he's at work, he still makes sure it stays with him all the time. It's something that I just have no words to describe how it makes me feel. All I know is, it has me beaming with pride knowing that even through his small ways, he is making me know and feel that even though we're far from each other, I'm always so close to his heart - as he is to mine :)

One week down; two more to go

It's been a week now since my husband left on a three-week long mission to I-don't-know-where. One week down?! Wow, that was quick!! It's true that when you keep yourself busy, you hardly notice the days pass by. I hardly noticed those days that much. Last week, while we were talking on the phone before they headed out, those two words - three weeks were the hardest ones to say or even think of. I was so scared and all that and as much as I tried not to let him feel how worried I was at the time, he still perceived it. D is really good at it ;) It's so hard to hide something from him, especially when it comes to how I feel. The thought that he knows me that much by heart gives me an immeasurable joy.

This past week, we at least got to talk to each other more than we expected. We never thought we could, but we did. I even had that feeling that he'd never get the chance to e-mail me at least once a day. But, God surely does make a way where there seems to be no way. John informed me ahead of time that he won't be able to send me e-mails as much as he wants to because of them having a lot of things to do out there and for the fact that they only have three computers there for so many people to take turns to use. That's the reason we hardly get the chance to exchange e-mails with each other. If he's on, it's either I am still asleep or busy doing stuff around here. And if I am on, he's the one who's not available to hop online or he's out doing missions. One factor, too is the time difference. I am a couple of hours ahead of him which makes it a bit hard for us to come online at the same time. So, who would have thought that we at least are able to exchange a couple of e-mails a day? God is great indeed! It's kind of hard, but with the Lord's constant guidance and help, we're making it through, one day at a time.

Since he left, we haven't talked to each other on the phone - not once. I already got the feeling that for the whole three weeks he'll be out there, phone call is as close as it is impossible to ride on a flying broomstick with Harry Potter. [hehehe] It's just one of the many things we have to endure right now. I miss the sound of his voice, no doubt about that and I know he does miss mine, too. We just keep reminding each other that it's almost over, he will be home with me soon. If there's one thing my husband does even he's far, he keeps me strong and going. He always tells me how I am helping him make this deployment a less stressful, but he just doesn't know that he's actually the one who's helping me survive day after day in this situation that I am so new to everything. He just is such a great husband! Even if he is far, he never fails to make sure I am always well-taken care of :)

The first week came by so quickly and before I know it, third week is finally over! The first thing I want is to hear his sweet voice. He promised he will call as soon as he gets the chance to and I know he will keep his words :) He always does.

This is what scares me most!

Attached here is an e-mail that my husband sent me about 2 hours ago. We got a chance tonight to exchange e-mails before he left to do a mission.

On another note I have to go load out for a mission now, things are getting hectic out here. I am not telling you this to worry about me, but I want to make sure you remember your tools you can use. If anything happens to me mahal you can always contact the American Red Cross and talk to them if you have to visit me in a hospital. They can help pay for a ticket and then they will just have it repaid later. Also the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society is another tool to use. If you ever need help on that remember those two and they both have websites with numbers to call. I love you with all my heart and I will always love you with everything in me.

I don't even know where to begin right now. I don't know what exactly to say. My heart is covered in fear; my mind is clouded with worrying. Who wouldn't feel the way I do right now if you receive an e-mail from your husband telling you to prepare yourself just in case something might happen to him? None of what he mentioned in his letter registered in my head. I don't even know how I was able to reply to that e-mail. All I remember telling him was, "I will wait for you till you get back. And you better come back!!" Can anybody out there understand what I feel right now? I am trying my hardest not to cry, but I can't help it!! I just can't. He said he will let me know once he gets back and I am going to stay up late if I have to just so I won't miss his e-mail and for me to be able to reply him right away. And one thing that's bothering me right now - I have been a really bad wife ;( I did something today that upset him and hurt his feelings. I didn't put his feelings, but mine into consideration when I sat there and brought something up from the past. I don't know what has got into me for doing that in the first place. My husband is out there risking his own life and I am doing nothing but trouble his mind. I admit I was wrong and I never meant to make him feel that way. All I wanted was to find out the truth, but I guess - I'm sure - I brought it up at a perfectly-wrong timing. Now, it's eating me from within. It's making me feel uneasy and guilty knowing that he went out there with a heavy heart because his own wife chose to say hurtful things to him, instead of doing her best to make him happy especially that he is out there. I hope he knows how terribly sorry I am for what I did and I will never ever do such thing again. It just wasn't fair!!

The ticking sound of the clock is making this wait arduous. I can't even think of myself falling asleep in that comfortable bed knowing that my own husband is out there right now doing 'something' I wish I never knew about. All I can do right now is pray. I'm just so thankful that God doesn't get tired of hearing out our constant cries, because I always cry to Him countless times a day. I know that He is watching over them right now. Though I still am scared, I couldn't do anything more but pray for them.

I will be here, waiting...