Attached here is an e-mail that my husband sent me about 2 hours ago. We got a chance tonight to exchange e-mails before he left to do a mission.
I don't even know where to begin right now. I don't know what exactly to say. My heart is covered in fear; my mind is clouded with worrying. Who wouldn't feel the way I do right now if you receive an e-mail from your husband telling you to prepare yourself just in case something might happen to him? None of what he mentioned in his letter registered in my head. I don't even know how I was able to reply to that e-mail. All I remember telling him was, "I will wait for you till you get back. And you better come back!!" Can anybody out there understand what I feel right now? I am trying my hardest not to cry, but I can't help it!! I just can't. He said he will let me know once he gets back and I am going to stay up late if I have to just so I won't miss his e-mail and for me to be able to reply him right away. And one thing that's bothering me right now - I have been a really bad wife ;( I did something today that upset him and hurt his feelings. I didn't put his feelings, but mine into consideration when I sat there and brought something up from the past. I don't know what has got into me for doing that in the first place. My husband is out there risking his own life and I am doing nothing but trouble his mind. I admit I was wrong and I never meant to make him feel that way. All I wanted was to find out the truth, but I guess - I'm sure - I brought it up at a perfectly-wrong timing. Now, it's eating me from within. It's making me feel uneasy and guilty knowing that he went out there with a heavy heart because his own wife chose to say hurtful things to him, instead of doing her best to make him happy especially that he is out there. I hope he knows how terribly sorry I am for what I did and I will never ever do such thing again. It just wasn't fair!!
The ticking sound of the clock is making this wait arduous. I can't even think of myself falling asleep in that comfortable bed knowing that my own husband is out there right now doing 'something' I wish I never knew about. All I can do right now is pray. I'm just so thankful that God doesn't get tired of hearing out our constant cries, because I always cry to Him countless times a day. I know that He is watching over them right now. Though I still am scared, I couldn't do anything more but pray for them.
I will be here, waiting...
On another note I have to go load out for a mission now, things are getting hectic out here. I am not telling you this to worry about me, but I want to make sure you remember your tools you can use. If anything happens to me mahal you can always contact the American Red Cross and talk to them if you have to visit me in a hospital. They can help pay for a ticket and then they will just have it repaid later. Also the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society is another tool to use. If you ever need help on that remember those two and they both have websites with numbers to call. I love you with all my heart and I will always love you with everything in me.
I don't even know where to begin right now. I don't know what exactly to say. My heart is covered in fear; my mind is clouded with worrying. Who wouldn't feel the way I do right now if you receive an e-mail from your husband telling you to prepare yourself just in case something might happen to him? None of what he mentioned in his letter registered in my head. I don't even know how I was able to reply to that e-mail. All I remember telling him was, "I will wait for you till you get back. And you better come back!!" Can anybody out there understand what I feel right now? I am trying my hardest not to cry, but I can't help it!! I just can't. He said he will let me know once he gets back and I am going to stay up late if I have to just so I won't miss his e-mail and for me to be able to reply him right away. And one thing that's bothering me right now - I have been a really bad wife ;( I did something today that upset him and hurt his feelings. I didn't put his feelings, but mine into consideration when I sat there and brought something up from the past. I don't know what has got into me for doing that in the first place. My husband is out there risking his own life and I am doing nothing but trouble his mind. I admit I was wrong and I never meant to make him feel that way. All I wanted was to find out the truth, but I guess - I'm sure - I brought it up at a perfectly-wrong timing. Now, it's eating me from within. It's making me feel uneasy and guilty knowing that he went out there with a heavy heart because his own wife chose to say hurtful things to him, instead of doing her best to make him happy especially that he is out there. I hope he knows how terribly sorry I am for what I did and I will never ever do such thing again. It just wasn't fair!!
The ticking sound of the clock is making this wait arduous. I can't even think of myself falling asleep in that comfortable bed knowing that my own husband is out there right now doing 'something' I wish I never knew about. All I can do right now is pray. I'm just so thankful that God doesn't get tired of hearing out our constant cries, because I always cry to Him countless times a day. I know that He is watching over them right now. Though I still am scared, I couldn't do anything more but pray for them.
I will be here, waiting...
SMiLiES | EMOTiCONS COURTESY OF:
3 Sweet Thoughts☆
i'm sure John knows that you didn't mean what you said. but don't you worry he will be safe. let's just not cease in praying for his safety.
you are not alone, KC. i am here and John will come back safe.
Thank you, Ate Jacy for your comforting words..You could have never said anything better..I couldn't hank you enough for being there, especially during this time of our life..We want you to know that we appreciate it a lot..
hi kristi,i feel your pain..i felt the worry and the love your husband has for you that even in times that he is risking his life he is thinking of you.and like jacy said your husband knows you love him and that you only said those words out of worry but he knows you didt say it out of hate. Be strong for him.Prayer will protect our love ones.im sorry that you are far from each other but there will be a place in time were you will be together.
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