Worrying

I wasn't able to get enough sleep last night for several reasons. I have been worrying since yesterday about where my husband could be at. I know he's out there doing his job. But what I'm trying to say is, he hasn't left me a single email the whole day yesterday and even today I still haven't gotten any from him. I already knew that certain circumstance like this happens, I just can't help but worry. It scares the wits out of me when I don't get to hear something from him. I tend to get restless and I can't focus properly on the things I am doing. My husband sends me a dozen e-mails a day and we would exchange e-mails for a period of time before he would get off of the computer to continue on whatever he was doing before he sat there and talked to me. Not receiving any from him worries me, especially when I don't get to know if he's all right or not. It's one of those few reasons I never will not worry about him no matter how many times he assures me that everything is under control, that I have nothing to really worry about. It's not going to happen.

I just laid in my bed last night, reading a novel to keep myself awake because I didn't want to miss the chance of talking to my husband and ask him how everything went and I've been wanting so bad to hear his voice, too. He told me the other day that he would call me and that was supposed to be yesterday, but no phone call from him last night, either! You'll never know unless you're in my shoes, how it feels like to have a husband who is deployed telling you he'd call you or send you an e-mail but never got to do any of those. That's when a lot of questions start to spring up and as much as I hate entertaining them, I can't help it. I do my best not to worry too much about him and not to show him any sign of me being like this because I know he'd worry, too and I don't want to cause him any reason to feel worried about. But, I am a wife whose husband is out there on a deployment and for two days I haven't heard anything from him!! How would you expect me to react on this matter? I'm trying my hardest right now to forestall myself from crying because I know it won't help me in any way but make me feel worse. I just want to hear something from him so bad that it's crushing me from within. Even a short note right now telling me he's fine would be a great relief for me. I just want to know my husband is all right.

In times like this, I just comfort myself with the thought that he's probably just busy doing important stuff and that he'll get to me whenever he gets the chance as he knows I worry a lot about him and he doesn't like that. There are times that this thought doesn't work for me and when I get the feeling that it's starting to get in to me, I pray to God for comfort, for guidance and for Him to look after my husband and everybody he is working with. That's the only thing that keeps me sane when I no longer could bear it on my own. And I find solace in these verses I always read when I feel I'm at the verge of worrying.

Faith is the Perfect Antidote for Worry

• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 NIV
• Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. - Psalm 23:4 KJV
• Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you: He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. - Psalm 55:22 NASB
• Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. - Psalm 62:8 NIV
• Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. - Matthew 9:24 KJV

God's Message Is Clear: Don't Worry, Be Faithful

• Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
• Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. - John 14:1 KJV
• An anxious heart weighs a man down…. - Proverbs 12:25 NIV
• Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid…. - Isaiah 12:2 KJV
• Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
• Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. - Matthew 6:25-27 NIV
• God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. - Psalm 46:1 KJV
• I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. - Psalm 121:1-2 KJV.

Most of the time now, I consider myself as a blatant fusspot to the point that I am already overreacting. I don't know if it's wrong, but when it comes to my husband, that's how I worry about him. I wasn't like this before I got married. I worry too little because I only had myself to think and take care of. But, it's a different story now. My husband always comes first and it's always a great relief for me when I get to hear from him and most especially when I know he is all right. Nothing can ever make me happier and more relieved than knowing he is doing fine out there, wherever he may be at at this very moment.

I just left him e-mails and I'm hoping I'd hear from him this time. I just need to run some errands around here and I will check my inbox the moment I get back.

Mahal, I'm waiting to hear from you. Please, be safe for me my Sweet Angel. I love you with all of my heart!!